The Worst Line Ever
by givemesomevamp
Summary: Every great love story starts somewhere...even the fubar'd ones. A/U
1. My Meddling Pixie

**Warning:**** This story is rated M for language, lemons, and other 'mature' stuff. Please don't read if you're not an adult. I don't want to be responsible for your emotional scarring. I've got my own kiddos for that.**

**Reposted after an amazing beta job by the one and only Jasper's Destiny. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. *Le sigh***

**Chapter 1:** **So a Vampire Walks Into a Bar**

**Peter's POV**

So a vampire walks into a bar…. Now, I know what you're thinkin' - _Is this the joke that ends with the gorilla and the priest gettin' it on in the men's room?_ To that I'd have to answer, "Hell no, you nasty fucker." This is the story of my path to my true mate.

"What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?" My voice was deep and husky as I pressed up against her and whispered the most ridiculous pick up line ever uttered in an ear this beautiful.

This all began nineteen years ago.

So there I was, sitting in my chair with my wife perched on my lap. It was the closest she'd get to the damn thing - the chair; not my lap. As if the ugly was contagious and would leap off the fabric and cling to her marble skin. Again, the chair; not my lap. My favorite chair was a recliner in a unique shade of greenish-brown tweed with specks of orange and blue running through it. I had purchased it back in the sixties, and it had held up beautifully. It always kept that perfect imprint, so when I sat down it was like it was welcomin' my ass home.

Anytime someone entered our home, Charlotte would issue her disclaimer: "And that's Peter's chair." It would be said with a sneer, and with her nose upturned, and it would leave no doubt of her distaste for my little slice of heaven. The fact that she was anywhere near the damned thing only gave evidence of her animosity toward our house guests; her glaring was exhibit number two.

We had been listening to Alice regale us with the details of their latest honeymoon for the past two hours - two hours of my eternal life that I would mourn because I wasn't gettin' that shit back. Five years ago, I spent seven hours and twenty-two minutes watching paint dry. I watched every minute of it with rapt attention, and as the colors shifted during the final stage of drying, I leapt up and cheered. I clapped and fuckin' cheered! I didn't have a Nintendo yet obviously. My point, though, is that I didn't - and still don't - consider_ that _a waste of time. After all, time is something I have in spades. But listening to her inventory of the shops she'd visited in Paris… I want my fuckin' two hours back.

So here I am daydreamin' about the scum I'm gonna take out as soon as she stops for a moment. Hell, at this point I'm not even sure how she's drawing in the breath needed to talk. I debate between the banger with the O-neg and the crack dealer I've been casing with the heroin-laced A-positive. If I have to wait much longer, I might drain both as a reward for my good fucking behavior. Vampires don't get cookies.

Suddenly the pixie's eyes glaze over and a Cheshire cat smile takes up residence on a good portion of her petite face. And as I revel in the silence, the corners of my own mouth turn up. I don't care what the fuck she's_ seeing_. Whatever it is, it's a win because it's stopped her receipt recital. Jasper, her mate, looks increasingly confused, and I can only assume it's from the emotions she's displaying.

I'm actually thrilled that my brother and his wife have dropped by, but the fact that Alice and Charlotte don't exactly get along (note the biggest fucking understatement of the year) has guaranteed to make my life take on a distinctly hellish quality for the next few weeks. But to spend time with the Major, it was worth it - even if my dick disagreed.

"Petey, why don't you take me hunting? Jazz and Charlotte can find something to keep them occupied, I'm sure." Alice smirked as I growled a bit. I have no problem sharing my mate with someone I trust, but I prefer to be present. The fucker just smirked at my slight protest.

"Have fun, darlin'," he whispered to Alice, patting her ass as we walked out the door. Their bond was so strong, it was almost an entity all its own. I was man enough to admit that it made me jealous. I'd thought I'd found that with my mate - that unconditional and irrevocable bond that all mates are supposed to have - but as the years went by, I wasn't so sure anymore.

"Don't worry, Petey." I hated it when Alice called me that, and she knew it. "You'll have what you want some day."

I quirked my brow, but as I opened my mouth, a thought struck like lightning… and I _knew_. It was like the knowledge had always been there, but I knew for a damned fact that this shit was _new_. Charlotte wasn't my mate. She loved me enough to stay with me after she'd used me to get away from Maria, but she wasn't my true mate. _Dear, sweet fuckin' baby Jesus._

What the fuck? My life was based on a _lie_. Every truth I'd held to be true was now under question. It was too much.

I had to stop and sit down for a minute. My chest was rising and falling rapidly, but I felt like I couldn't get enough air. The trees around our property were spinning, and I briefly wondered if I was going to pass out. Then I called myself a fuckin' idiot because I was a vampire having a panic attack. Hello, ridiculous and absurd situation! Yeah, it's me again. Peter.

All I saw was a blur before her spiked hair was ticklin' my chin. She had me in her tight embrace, and once again I was glad that my brother had found such a good female for a mate."You saw this happen, huh?" I already knew the answer, but I needed someone to confirm that this shit now in my head was actually for real.

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. It would have changed too much, but I've known for quite some time. Jazz does too." She was pleading with me to understand her reasoning for this huge lie by omission, and I did. A power like hers is a huge burden to carry. To quote the webbed wonder, "With great power comes great responsibility."

I squeezed her shoulder gently in acknowledgement. "What now?" She sat down next to me, gracefully folding her slender limbs beneath her.

"You know it doesn't work like that. I don't see anything until you make a decision," she scolded me lightly.

"You saw this, didn't you!" I knew what her answer would be because we'd debated this point for years. Years of waxing philosophical had ended in no answer and us agreeing to disagree.

"Some things are as set as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. Others change constantly, moving and flowing like a river to the ocean." Alice ended her familiar speech with her peal of bell-like laughter. She reminded me of an innocent child, happy and care-free. Of course, knowing my brother as I do, I knew she was just damn good at hiding her freak flag. Just because she didn't always fly it, didn't mean she didn't have it. "If you're honest with yourself, you'd know that you've never loved Charlotte like a true mate. You've both filled each other's needs well, but now you need to decide if that will be enough for the rest of your forever together. If it is enough for you, then you push this disturbing truth to the deepest recesses of your mind and leave it there, allowing you both to get on with your lives. If not…" I waited, entirely too eager for any man with pride, for her to continue, but she trailed off. After a few minutes, I got impatient.

"'If not…?' What if it's not? What if it's not enough? What if I want more?" I hated the pleading desperation in my voice, but I had a feeling this was why they'd suddenly decided after two decades that today would be a good day to drop in unannounced. She was my own little Fairy God Midget.

"Then you part ways. Those are your choices as far as I can see them. Two paths are laid out before you, and you have to choose one soon or the other will be lost to you. That's all I'm telling you. It has to be your choice, or else you'll end up all bitter, and our kind isn't allowed to air our dirt on Oprah. Besides, the lighting is all wrong for our pallor." Finishing her tangent, she got back to my crisis, "It's your choice _alone_ because you are the one who has to live with it."

"Tink, there's one thing I have to know. Did you put me through that verbal slide show of Paris to postpone my hunt so we'd go together?" She stood and turned toward me with a mischievous glean in her puppy-dog eyes.

"You didn't enjoy that?" And with a maniacal chuckle to match the gleam, the evil sprite took off toward the city. I followed closely, right on her imported, French heels.

Though I was unaware of it at the time, I'd made my choice already. My hunt, guided by my prophetic pixie, cemented my future, and that path, though long and lonely, was worth it because it had led me to tonight.

"We're goin' out, fucker. Ali said no complainin', and wear the outfit she laid out on your bed." The bastard walked away, smirking, although why, I'm not sure. Who does he think chooses his preppy ass threads? "She's my wife! It's different."

"Whatever. Let's get this over with." At least I was going to get to wear my favorite black, steel-toed shit kickers. But leather pants? Now I'm suspicious. Damn. What is that pixie up to?

Making our way to the rundown neighborhood bar outside of Phoenix, I had a feeling that tonight would change my life. It was like we were _meant_ to be here tonight. We took the booth in the back corner and waited - for what, I didn't know - but for the first time in twenty years, I had hope. Not just the 'I'm getting laid tonight' excitement, but honest to God _hope_.

Charlotte and I had parted ways pleasantly enough. We even had a nice tumble in the sheets and a quickie against the door before she packed a few bags and took off. I hadn't heard from her since, but a couple of decades were nothing to an immortal. When content or busy, twenty years seems like a few months.

I'd roamed around a bit, but nothin' would keep my interest for long, so I'd move along. Every few years I'd meet up with Jazz and his better half. This time it felt like déjà vu. I'd just parked my ass in its custom-made spot on my favorite chair when they knocked on my door, and just like last time, I had a feelin' there was more to this than mere coincidence. Nothing is ever a coincidence when Alice is involved.

Now here I sit, waiting, pretending to nurse the ice cold long neck in my hand while Jasper and Alice two-step way too gracefully for kicker dancing in a hick bar across the dance floor.

And then it happened. You know that absurd moment you scoff at when you here other people describe it? Love at first sight and shit? I had never experienced anything like this. I literally felt pulled toward her, Newton's Law of Gravity be damned. I gripped the table, making indentations in the wood, and resisted the urge to throw her on the bar and ravage her. Of course, it had been twenty years since I'd had any game besides handball, so I'd probably just make a damn fool of myself anyway. The thought of being a one-pump chump with that angel cooled me off quick.

She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. The best part was that it was all natural, and she didn't seem to know how exquisite she was. She gave off an aura of confidence but not conceit. Long brown locks cascaded down in large curls, coming to a rest at the small of her exposed back. Her creamy skin glowed in contrast to the blood red halter top she was wearing, which she'd paired with tight, dark wash jeans and black, high-heeled fuck-me boots.

I watched fervently from across the smoky, crowded bar as human after human approached her, only to be shut down kindly but leaving no doubt. She was not here for company, but that's all I had wanted the second I set my sights on her - her company. Christ, her _anything_, as long as she was with _me_.

"See somethin' you like?" Fucking Empath. Besides the classic 'fuck-you salute', I didn't respond to his antagonizing.

"If you like her, why not just talk to her?" It was such a woman thing to say.

"I don't like her. She's a fuckin' human. And I don't eat innocents."

"Oh. Too bad for her. I'm sure you know how to work that tongue." See, this is what I'm talkin' about. Normal female one minute, the next she's a super freak who is super freaky.

"How 'bout a small wager then? After all, you've got nothin' to lose. You don't even like her, and you've never been one to play with your food." This bastard was throwin' down the gauntlet, but he was mistaken if he thought I wouldn't rise to the occasion. Hell, I'd been at half mast since _she_ walked into the bar.

"What are the stakes?" I tried to mask my nervousness with lust. Judging by his smirk, I was not successful.

"Simple. If you fail or bail, you get to be Alice's bag boy for forty-eight hours of her choosing." Simple, my ass. This fucker was tryin' to kill me _and_ get out of gopher duty all at the same time. Damn, I hoped Tink hadn't given him some help on the outcome here.

"Fine. But if I win, no sex for a week, and that includes self-lovin'." I smirked as we shook on it. This would be like takin' eggs from a hen. Although, when his smirk expanded to a toothy grin, I got a little worried.

"Of course, for this to be a challenge, we have to even the field. Let's say you have to pick her up by using the worst line you can think of. No disorientating her or using prey bait." I wasn't going to be a pussy about it, but fuck if I wanted to be the pixie's slave either.

As I sauntered across the bar, I felt like a teenager again. I could feel the phantom sweat on my palms and the ghost of my pulse pounding in my head. My unneeded breath quickened. I turned slightly to retreat but stopped short as Alice's high voice floated through the den of noise. "If you don't want to be a minute-man forever, you have to pony up. Just remember that over-excitement leads to premature discharge." The people sitting at the tables near ours broke into spontaneous laughter - at what, I'm sure they had no clue. That fucker must have found this really funny to lose control, even momentarily.

Continuing my trek across the crowded bar to her and trying to muster some confidence that normally came naturally, I_ knew_ that there was a lot ridin' on this sucker bet.

Guess it's time to giddy the fuck up.

**AN AGAIN: Review!**

**The character Peter Whitlock was developed by IdreamofEddy. She brought his gift and his personality to life first (and better...).**


	2. My Other Special Ability

**Warning: This story is rated M for language, lemons, and other 'mature' stuff. Please don't read if you're not an adult. I don't want to be responsible for your emotional scarring. I've got my own kiddos for that.**

**Beta'd by the one, the only, Jasper's Destiny, and then reposted by me. She deserves some kind-of medal for wadding through this chap for me. *nods***

**Disclaimer: I own not.**

**When we last left our vampire…**

Continuing my trek across the crowded bar to her, and trying to muster some confidence that normally came naturally, I_ knew_ that there was a lot ridin' on this sucker bet.

Guess it's time to giddy the fuck up.

**Chapter 2 Peter's POV**

Part of my mind was running through the list of stupid-ass lines I'd heard desperate guys use for years in their never-ending pursuit of pussy.

"Let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle." Too fucking gay…  
"If I blow your mind, would you think in my mouth?" Too crude. Huh, I guess there is such a thing.  
"You want me. I can smell it." Would be true if she did, but it has a definite creepy vibe…  
"Don't be so picky….I wasn't." It is god-awful...

"You're going for ridiculous, not insulting. _Men!_ Can't handle anything on-_" _And on and on she continued. Sensing she'd be on that for a while, I blocked out her chirping. The meddling pixie had a point. So on to the next line-

"Baby, did you fart? Cause you are blowin' me away." That's just disgusting. Definitely not that one…

The possibilities for cheesy lines were endless, but I was ninety-nine percent sure that no matter which one I chose, this beauty was gonna shoot me down. As much as I was tempted to just trap her in my unrelenting gaze, like a rat caught in the coils of a snake, and woo her with my 'natural' charms until those panties melted right off of her, I just couldn't do that. Fuck, I could do _exactly_ that, but then the feel-me Emo parked in that back corner booth would pick that shit up and I'd be Alice's bitch-boy after my disqualification from this stupid, fucking sucker bet.

I still can't believe I fell for it - well, _fell_ would be the wrong term. I walked right into the damned thing. I took a sucker bet, a classic fucking sucker bet. By definition, it's a bet reserved for fuckin' suckers. Too bad now. Huh, sucker.

So, you ask, "Why keep goin'? Glutton for punishment or just too much pride?" Nah, it's neither of those. Thanks for thinkin' so highly of me. I'm flattered really. But, no, it was that small, infinitesimal, barely-there one-fucking-percent that kept my feet movin' one in front of the other all the way across the floor. My eyes never strayed from the prize - the prize here being her. Just to be in her presence for a few minutes tonight was worth the risk.

The longest minute of my life finally came to an end as I paused, completely unnoticed by the woman nursin' her Budweiser, an inch away from her. This was it. Why did I feel like so much was ridin' on this one introduction?

"Need me to hold your hand, or are you gonna get into that _fine_ lookin' saddle?" I could hear the smirk in the bastard's voice, and I'd kick his ass for it later. But right now, it was _time_.

"Yee-haw, motherfucker."

On that note, I took one final step and pressed myself flush against her bare back. Her heat began seeping through my shirt and warmed my cold, dead chest. I fucking shivered at the thought of what her heat would feel like surrounding me, hugging my rock hard cock.

And just like that, my pants shrank a couple of sizes, the damn leather clinging like shrink wrap. And fuck my life... my wood is now officially diggin' into her back. I could back off awkwardly, like a kid ashamed of his 'changing body', but fuck that. She can consider it a preview; a warning of what's to come.

And come…

And come…

Gotta love that supernatural stamina.

Pressed against her as she balanced precariously on a wobbly, wooden bar stool, I leaned down and allowed my cool breath to brush against her ear as I whispered huskily, "What has 142 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?"

I took a small step back as she stiffened momentarily. Her heart stuttered, and she turned around to check me out. I held my breath and waited for any sign that she might be receptive. As her eyes traveled from my feet and up my legs, pausing briefly to stare unabashedly at my crotch while quirking a perfectly manicured brow, they continued their path up my chest and finally met my eyes. I felt a flicker of hope that she might be having the same reaction to me as I was having to her.

Damn, I felt like a giant, hairy pussy for wasting another moment contemplating love-at-first sight and shit. I took a deep breath, hoping it'd help de-vag me for the umpteenth time since I'd entered this black hole of masculinity, but it turned out to not be an issue once I smelled her sweet, sweet arousal.

Holy fuck...

Her scent called to me, persistently whispering one endlessly tempting message: _Eat me_. And as God is my witness, I planned on it. I needed to take my tongue and... _Oh! For the love of ass, I need to focus!_

Of course, that's exactly what had gotten me into this - the love of ass. Or maybe it was the _lack_ of ass. Or more likely it was an enticing mix of my adoration for _this_ ass, my ass-less streak, and my strong desire to end aforementioned streak with aforementioned ass.

She closed her eyes as she inhaled my heady and increasingly strong scent. When she opened them, they were sharply focused on my own. In this moment, I wasn't sure who was huntin' who. Since she'd neither shot me down nor thrown a drink in my face, I decided to press my luck.

"Want to hazard a guess?" Since she now looked confused, I decided to elaborate, all the while wishin' I had already finished this part of our stupid fucking bet. "My question was 'What has 142 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?'"

She shook her head in response. I stepped closer, gazing into her deep, chocolate-colored eyes, and infused all of my desire into one foolish line. "My zipper."

She laughed so hard that I had to steady her so her ass wouldn't become intimate friends with the nasty, hard floor. I stayed pressed against her as close as I could get in this public venue - with clothes on, at least - and waited for her to shatter my newly revived heart, the gravitational pull of that massive, manhood-devouring black hole striking again.

But if I had no chance with this superb example of a worthy female, then she was going to have to spell it out for me. Women like her don't come around often - I'd estimate once every twenty years off of the top of my head - and now that I was face-to-face with her, I wasn't gonna walk away without knowing for sure that this was a dead-end.

She finally reined her giggles in and her eyes met mine once more, this time with a spark of recognition that I didn't understand. But since she looked pleased, I didn't really care. Humans were strange beings even in the most normal of situations.

"Tell me, do you have a ma- I mean, a significant other? Someone waiting at home?"

"No, ma'am. Haven't for a _long_ time." I put a little too much emphasis on 'long' for my liking, but it seemed to assure her of my honesty because the next thing I knew, she had her small clutch in one hand and my hand in a surprisingly strong grip in the other, and I was being pulled from the bar by a little woman who probably weighed a buck ten soaking wet. I cursed Alice under my breath for my knowledge of the different categories of women's totes.

A quiet and extremely high-pitched voice rose above the den as we reached the door: "Oh, you'll thank me later." I highly doubted that. "And in diamonds." Her giggle followed me to the parking lot where we stopped in front of a fuck-awesome 1977 Harley-Davidson XLH 1000 Sportster - fully restored and completely streamlined, all glossy black and chrome perfection - and as my girl threw her beautiful leg gracefully over that leather seat, my breath hitched. Oh, if I could produce them, there would have been tears leakin' from my eyes at the sight of such beauty straddling such beauty.

Speaking of fluids leaking, I need to be buried in her. _Soon_. Like _now_, or five fucking minutes ago. Meeting my lust-filled gaze, she seemed to understand. "You need a lift home, Cowboy. I'll take you for a ride." A fucking whimper may or may not have slid past my lips as she smirked and slid back to let me drive.

I turned the key and her bike roared to life underneath us. She wrapped her arms around my waist, letting her hand rest dangerously close to a different beast ready and waiting to roar to life, and I looked up at the clear night sky and plead with whoever might be the God of the Damned that I would _at least_ make it in her heat before I blew my load.

Even pushin' ninety it still seemed to take an eternity to reach my home on the outskirts of Phoenix. She chuckled low, muttering something that remarkably resembled 'overeager', and I grabbed her hand and sped at a quick, human pace to my front door.

She waited patiently while I fumbled with my fucking keys to try to get the door opened, and all the while my pesky voice of negativity wondered if this was a sneak peek into the night's festivities - me fumbling, her waiting patiently. I shut that shit down quick as I crushed the damn doorknob in my iron grip.

Yes, I broke into my own fucking house.

No, I don't give a rat's ass.

I am Peter Fucking Whitlock, and if there is one thing Whitlocks do better than fighting, it's fucking. You know those rumors you've heard? All true, motherfucker. Many swear my tongue is my true gift. Jealous?

Flinging open the door, I pulled her roughly into the house, keeping in mind that she was very much human and therefore breakable. I planted a kiss - a kiss filled with promises of all that was to come tonight - firmly on her plump, pouty mouth while makin' our way toward my room. Losing our shirts immediately, her pants followed shortly after.

My hands roamed her body frantically, trying to commit every inch of her exquisite form to memory, and it seemed like she was doing the same to me. With the way she was grinding against me, I was in serious danger of creaming my fucking pants. I needed to slow this down. Unfortunately my body vetoed that decision.

It was all need and heat and raw, unbridled lust. When her hands began clawing at my buckle, I knew there was no chance that we would make it to a bed without some sort of release.

Breaking away from her beautiful mouth, allowing her to breathe and to calm my own panting, I took the opportunity to do what I'd wanted to do since I'd first taken in her mouth-watering scent. Pressing her shoulders against the wall, I dropped to my knees and slid her drenched panties down her toned legs.

Staring into her hooded eyes, I lifted one of her legs over my shoulder and placed a slow, gentle kiss to her lower lips before aggressively feasting on the heaven spread out before me. When I swirled my tongue and sucked her throbbing clit into my cool mouth, she gasped, squeezing her eyes closed, and gripped my shoulders in a desperate effort to hold herself up.

A mere ten seconds later, and with an assist from the Spanish alphabet, she shattered around my tongue. Her legs gave out, and I held her upright as I slowly lapped up my sweet reward. Not just sweet - _honeysuckle fresh from the vine_ sweet.

I was still painfully hard as I scooped her up and made a beeline for my king-size bed. A thought briefly nagged at me. _Am I really about to make love to this angel in the same room I'd been with Char in for decades?_ The answer, of course, was _fuck yeah_.

Continuing on my single-minded mission, I was extremely thankful that Alice had forced me to buy a new bedroom set, including a three thousand dollar mattress set. And _force_ she did because I hadn't been able to see the fuckin' point. "A new bed for a new start," was all she would say. So diamonds it is, first thing tomorrow.

But tonight, as I laid my beauty's head down on my never-before-used pillows, all I could think was that tonight we were just gettin' started.

* * *

**A/N AGAIN:** If you'd like to read more, then review. It's simple. Hit the button. It doesn't have to be good, just honest criticism. I'd like it if it was all good, but I'm a big girl. I can take it ;)


	3. Doesn't Anyone Knock Anymore

**This is rated M for good reason. If you are not old enough to buy your own ciggys then move along. Please?**

**Author's note at the end;-)**

**Glomps and wet smotches to stitchcat for reading, adding a few much needed commas, and validation during my low self-esteem moment*mwah*And to JaspersBella13 who's fuck-awesome in general, but gave me encouragement to post this fucker. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the ****characters.**

**Chapter 3 ****–Doesn't anyone knock anymore?**

As my tongue battled hers for dominance of her mouth, my hands slid up her silky legs to spread her thighs, so that my rock-hard cock could go to that paradise between her legs that it'd been damn near bursting to delve into all fucking night. This was fast and frantic and felt so fuckin' perfect, but yet not enough at the same time. Somewhere in the back of my mind a small thought echoed; saying that this wasn't how our first time should be done, but that pansy-ass voice was over-ridden almost immediately as she used her feet to slide my unbuttoned leathers down my legs; leaving a trail of fire behind wherever she touched.

I heard her small gasp of "Oh good Lord" as my cock sprang free like the fucker was set on a tight coil; her eyes widened, she licked her lips, and I couldn't help the proud smirk that took up residence on my face. Oh Lord was a perfectly acceptable response. Her hands gripped my shoulders, her long slender legs wrapped themselves around my waist, and with a perfectly synchronized thrust from both of us; I slid into the only heaven I'd ever known. The only heaven I'd ever want to be a part of.

She moaned, arching her back, and I held still for a second to let her adjust to my size. My eyes closed of their own accord when she shifted her hips and a hiss escaped my lips at the new sensation. I'd fucked humans before; I mean, it'd been a while, but thanks to my perfect fuckin' memory I could recall every detail, and let me tell you - I may have experienced sex with a human before, but I'd never experienced anything like her.

My eyes snapped open to find hers and suddenly what had started off as a fast fuck had morphed into more. Our hands slowed and our hips met less often but nothing else about this moment was less. Her honeysuckle warmth was wrapped around my steel shaft like a fuckin' glove, and as I stared into her eyes I knew that I could do this forever, and it'd never be enough; I'd never be satisfied.

Unfortunately, forever was not an option for my second-in-command after such a long fucking coitus-hiatus and our pace once again built speed. Her whimpers between panted breaths merged into a chant of benediction as "Oh God" fell from her thoroughly kissed lips time and time again, and once even a "thank fuck for Jager Bella". Her cries of pleasure covered my growls as we both raced toward our rapidly-approaching finish.

My hand snaked its way from her firm breast after one more pass on her puckered nipple, down her soft, toned stomach to her swollen, throbbing clit. She screamed when I pushed her over that edge, and with one more thrust, I followed suit with a growl of my own. Collapsing on top of her as her fingers uncurled from where they'd attempted to find purchase in my stone shoulders, and reveling in this feeling of utter completeness for as long as I could draw it out.

There we laid, both panting and covered in her sweat, in our blissed-out, post-fuck state, when she blew my mind with this fucking little gem, "Would you believe I've never done that before?"

I'm sure I resembled a cartoon character as my mouth dropped open like it'd come completely unhinged and my eyes bugged out. In my head, one phrase was stuck on repeat 'please don't let her be a fucking nutter'; however, her question seemed to have shocked my brain back online so what I said was, "No I would not. I mean you're definitely not street-corner loose, but not exactly virgin-tight. I think that would have been a little less enjoyable on your end, Darlin." Not to mention, I would have smelled the blood.

As she giggled, I followed her lovely blush as it make its way down her body, coloring every inch of her delicate, pale skin a pinkish hue. "Not sex, you ass; of course I'd done that before." And she reached down to get the blanket off of the fucking floor and tugged the down feather comforter clear up to her chin as she finished shyly. "I meant going home with a stranger." Under her breath, she added, " It wouldn't have happened this time either, if it weren't for that damn Jager-bomb."

"Why'd you drink that nasty shit then?" I may not be able to drink, but I'd been out enough to know that women usually ordered fruity shit with fuckin' umbrellas.

"First of all, it was bought for me and I never turn down a free drink. Secondly, sure it tastes like black jelly beans and as I'm sure you know," I can see a smirk peeking out from the top of the covers, "No one likes the black ones, but if those little fuckers made me feel like one shot of Jagermeister does; I'd munch them until my tongue turned black and my teeth rotted out. Yeppers." As she gave a little nod in affirmation of that fucked-up little statement, I couldn't hold back my chuckle at her passionate defense of a drink she hated.

"Jager Bella?" Because I had to know anything I could find out about this woman in my newly, broken-in bed.

"Yes. Only one person on this giant spinning rock likes Jager Bella; not only likes her but encourages her appearance every chance he gets." She explained in a matter-of-fact tone with a scrunched up nose. "Normal-everyday Bella is responsible and quiet with a little side of snark; Drunk Bella is the life of the party: lovey-dovey and maybe a bit of a lush; Jager Bella is a bitchy-lush that usually comes with a large side of 'back the fuck up'. And on occasion, YouTube worthy table-top stripping…." She trailed off, and I'll be damned if just like that I wasn't hard as fuck again.

As lil' Pete stood tall and proud begging for her attention, she glanced down, dropping the blanket marginally, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth and, fuck me sideways, if the little fucker didn't wave at that sight. She smirked getting to her knees and eying my dick like it was the sole surviving Twinkie at a fat farm.

Her tongue poked out to moisten her lips and I started babbling to cover up my new-pussy whimpering habit. Hell, if she didn't continue her fucking path, I was prepared to beg. And then, of course, that thought implanted a beautiful image of her in front of me on her knees and just increased my need to be in her mouth, her pussy, anything hers, to a critical fuckin' level.

"So your name is Bella. Short for …Isabella, I'd say. It's a damn fine pleasure to meet you, Bella. I'll answer to God any time you want, but -" And my name floated out of my superior fucking brain as she dove down and wrapped her lips around the drippin' head of my cock. I guess my super-senses jumped on that same express because my eyes, which had rolled back in my head from the magic that is her mouth, shot open as someone else completed my lost train of thought for me.

"His name is Peter. It looks like you know each other pretty well to me, Darlin."

Her mouth made that little _pop _as tragically her lips left my swollen cock. My fuckin' whimper was partially obscured by the growl that vibrated my chest. This cock-blockin' mother-fucker just waltzed into my house during the worst possible fucking moment just to eyeball my – oh shit, my what? My girlfriend, nope that sounds like I'm gonna pin her and we're goin' a courtin'; my lover, no that sounds more than a little gay; my ….mate, oh fuck me if that didn't sound just right.

"That's right, Goldilocks." Floated quietly from the doorway where apparently everyone had come to witness the disruption of my first head in years. What chapped my ass further was that fortune-telling midget knew what they'd be interrupting too._ Fuck my lif__e._

"Jazz! Oh my God! What are you doing here? I know you said I'd see you soon, but now? Why?" Finally, she paused to draw in a long overdue breath, and I took note of her impressive lung capacity for future reference. He just smirked as she continued fawnin' all over him; completely nude, I might add. "The Jager-bomb was you of course."

"And you're welcome." He smirked and gathered her in his arms lightenin' fast and twirled her around while her laughter and pleas for mercy echoed around the room.

My snarl rumbled deep in my chest and the bastard finally set her on her feet as Alice made her presence known. "Hi Bella!"

Drawing herself to full height with her deep inhale and with a flick of her 'freshly-fucked' hair over her shoulder, she answered coolly, "Alice." Of course her bravado crumbled as she went to straighten her non-existent shirt; only to discover a fact that had not escaped anyone else's attention. She was still naked as a jaybird.

Squealing, she made a mad dash for the blankets and burrowed until only her tips of her manicured-girly toes were stickin' out.

"Once everyone's less nude, I want some fuckin' answers." And a little voice under the blankets piped up with a, "Me too." And I slammed the door closed in their much too cheerful faces. "And you fuckers need to learn how to knock."

* * *

**AN: I'm sorry for the update fail. I'm on my knees(though you can't see it) and groveling like my hubs did when he forgot my birthday. Oh, only he did this thing with his tongue- Oh. Sorry, got off topic. The point is I'm sorry; forgive me? *bats lashes***

**To those of you who reviewed and added me to your lists and shit, thank you SO much! I didn't get a chance to respond to most of you, but you're the reason this is out tonight and not a week from the next time I get free time. So thanks again;-)**

**Oh. This story is gonna stay Peter's POV. *evil chuckle***


	4. Some Less Nude Answers

**AN****/ Thanks to all who reviewed the last chap. I didn't have time to respond but y'all rock. JSYK.**

**And yes, my Beta, stitchcat, is a fuck-awesome sundae with fuck-awesome sauce and a cherry on top. I'm not completely sure about the cherry, but the rest, yeah.**

**DISCLAIMER: Twilight belongs to . You know it. I know it. She knows it.**

**When we last left our naked human and confused vamp:**

"Once everyone's less nude, I want some fuckin' answers." And a little voice under the blankets piped up with a "Me too." And I slammed the door closed in their much-too-cheerful faces. "And you fuckers need to learn how to knock."

**Chapter 4: Some Less Nude Answers**

She was silent as she searched through my drawers for somethin' to put on and I was too pissed off about my painfully hard cock to break the silence with anything other than bitchin' and groanin'. Of course, it'd be done in a manly sort-a way, but still. Those fuckers now sitting in my living room - who had best not set an ass in my fuckin' chair - had better have a damn good reason for interruptin' what was sure to be great fuckin' blow job. Fuck, I couldn't even think of an instance where that would be ok. Maybe if my bed was actually on fire…but even then, I'm sure I could hold off the flames long enough to extinguish them with my built-in jizz hose. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Yankin' on my hip-hugger Levis and white wife beater with no small amount of huff, I turned to see her watchin' me with a small, shy smile on her beautifully swollen lips, and humor lighting up her chocolate brown eyes. I smiled back because, fuck, who wouldn't, rememberin' our introduction. And speaking of intros - back to the fuckers in my living room.

I held out my hand, which she took without hesitation, and we made our way down the hall toward my fuckin' answers; now that we were a little less naked and I was a little more calm. Lil' Pete had even returned to his half-mast station.

As soon as we entered, Bella made a bee-line for my chair and plopped her delicious ass right on down with no ado. I made my way over, plucked her up, and sat back down with her in my lap. A strange sense of deja vu swept over me, and the wink I received from Ali not two seconds later, let me know that she felt it too.

"I can't sit in this chair?"

"You like _my _ugly ass chair?" I think I fuckin' swooned.

"Not ugly; homey. And yeah, Charlie has almost the exact same one." She said as she wiggled her tight little ass in my growing lap.

"Charlie?" The fucker across from me quirked an eyebrow at my surge of jealousy. I mean, I didn't care if she'd had other guys, but I sure as hell didn't want to hear about them while she was gettin' me off.

"My dad." Yeah. I'm a dick.

"Oh." Wow. My eloquence knows no bounds tonight. Neither did my douche-baggery, apparently, because what I should have said was something along the lines of 'So tell me Bella, how are you acquainted with my brother and favorite and only sister' but what came out (and rather aggressively, I might add) was, "So how in the hell do you know these fuckers? Was this a set up?"

Alice rolled her eyes, shakin' her head sadly while my brother, the bastard, sat back with a shit-eating grin to watch what I'm guessin' he knew was comin'. Off of my lap she hopped, like she'd just found out I had crabs and they were ready to crawl into her tank. When she twirled around, her eyes were narrowed and her teeth bared slightly as she answered my question in a scathing tone, "Why would I _need_ them to set me up? _They_ weren't the ones ripping my clothes off and breaking into their own houses." Oh shit. She noticed that, did she?

Leaning forward with her hands resting on the arms of my recliner, and allowing me a splendid view of her pink-nosed puppies as the collar of my button-up pulled open and drooped; she continued quietly. Seductively. "_They_ weren't the ones fucking me good and hard against the wall in the hall with _their_ tongues." I growled a little at the burst of lust that came from the Emo-fucker across from me, but she continued on obliviously. "And they weren't whose dick was in my mouth not twenty fucking minutes ago. I'm my own damned woman and no one, not even hopped-up midgets with gold-paved sidewalks, tells me what road to take or what to do. Got that?"

"Yes ma'am," was the only fuckin' thing I could say to that. She smirked, pecked my check, and made her way over to the other side of Jasper, making the now-pouting pixie on his right scoot down to make room.

"So, Peter, how is it that you know Jazz and _Alice_?" She asked in a Splenda tone; cause ya know that all that fuckin' sweetness had to be artificial.

"I've known the fucker and his mate for years. He's my brother for all intents and purposes."

"Oh, like your brotha from another motha?" She asked, batting her lashes. The other two had donned poker masks and were watching this exchange like spectators at Wimbledon.

"Something like that…" I glanced at our audience for a fuckin' clue what to do here but they weren't havin' it.

"And when you say _years, _you mean?" Aw, fuck. I didn't want to lie to her while she was freshly marked with all that is me, but want had nothing to do with this. Truth meant death in our world for humans that strayed across it.

"Since childhood." The pixie's nose scrunched minutely and a small sigh came from her bastard of a husband.

"Oh really? So that would make you how old?"

"Twenty-six," I declared proudly like I was wavin' a flag or pledgin' allegiance. Maybe my false bravado would be interpreted as honesty… looking into her narrowing eyes, because only incompetent liars blink in the face of their guilt, I thought 'maybe not'.

"Oh really." Her flat tone had me worried, as did her repetition of that phrase. Her vocabulary earlier certainly wasn't lackin' in the adjective department. Definitely cause for worry.

"Hell yeah." And yet again, the peanut gallery sighs and shakes their heads at my faux pas. I was that dude that just kept swingin' even though that yellow ball was nowhere near me. Fuck this shit.

"So, either you played with vampires as a child or you're lyin' about your age you cradle-robbin' S.O.B." I…..was…..stunned. That's it.

After a few minutes ridin' on the merry-go-round of what-the-fuck I was stuck on, my first thought was to jump up, shake my finger at the fuckers, and scream in a high-pitched, ball-retreating voice, "Y'all are vampires! Oh shit!" Then high-tail it the fuck out of here. And if it had been anyone else, that's probably what would've happened. If he wasn't my sire and brother and the pixie wasn't my sister and friend and the hot fuckin' human wasn't my…..shit! I'd settle that later. I had sitting here and freakin' the fuck out to get accomplished, and I couldn't do that and contemplate my relationship or whatever the fuck you call this with Bella too. Priorities.

While I'm goin' through my third fuckin' afterlife crisis, I could practically feel the smug rollin' off of the bastards sittin' on my fuckin' couch. It was a good possibility I was actually; the fucker tended to let his guard down more at home than he normally did, which meant he absorbed more raw emotion but he also leaked it out when it was strong.

"How the fuck could you do this?" I asked shakin' my useless head and plantin' it firmly in both of my palms. Double-face-palm: for when one just can't quite express the epic fail of a situation.

And _she_, ya know - the little sheep in the den of big, scary wolves - yeah that one, _she_ snorts. Fuckin' snorts like I'm the one being ridiculous here. _Oh for the love of a fine lookin' ass _- no, damn it; that's the kinda thinkin' that got me in this predicament in the first fuckin' place.

I respond begrudgingly with my head still buried in my hands, "Oh you think this is funny, Babe?"

"No, not really. What I think is funny is how you sparkly, hot fuckers think you can just blend in with humans and never be noticed. Your cock is a popsicle." Fuck me, if that wasn't a blow to the male pride, I didn't know what was. Until she kept going, her voice taking on a wistful tone, "A huge cream-filled Dreamsicle. I - " The fucker couldn't let me have this moment! But no. He cleared his throat un-fuckin'-necessarily and she snapped back to the present here with us, with only a slight pink hue and slightly increased breathing as a sign of that little jaunt down memory lane she'd just taken.

"And just so you know, Double-O vamp, your contacts disintegrated before we were even back to your place." Fuck my life. "But I think I like the red better." And she winked. This just keeps gettin' better and better. She may actually be nuts; fuckin' insane: a few fries short of a happy meal. Sensing that no answer was comin' from my direction at this knowledge grenade destroyin' my peaceful little life here, she just kept goin' -

"I've been told that I'm observant for a human." Again she snorts, and this time it hits me that that is the cutest fuckin' sound ever. And now I have my sexual orientation to worry about on top of every other fuckin' thing. Isn't this just fan-fuckin-tastic. "Setting aside the rock-hard skin, the slightly blurred movements, and all of the purring . ."

"I don't fuckin' purr," I whined out, followed by a groan, but she just kept on makin' tread-marks over my road-killed ego.

"But I doubt even a Barbie Doll would have missed those red eyes."

My brother decided it was time to put his two - unwanted and fuckin' useless - cents in here. "You, however, I'm worried about. You didn't notice her scar fucker? Should've. You're sportin' quite a few yourself."

Scar? As I open my eyes and look down at the few bite marks littered across my forearms, I think back to last night and nothin' is ringin' that damn bell. I finally look up, straight into her eyes and follow the path from her bottom lip held between her teeth to her collar bone fully exposed in my shirt that was hangin' loosely from her shoulders; then down past her fuck-awesome rack to her hands, where they were fidgeting away in her lap. Meeting her eyes once more, she sighed, holding up her right arm, allowing the sleeve to fall away and reveal what my vast brain had not deemed important enough to catalogue in the midst of our heat and fluid exchange. The freckle on the inside of her left thigh, I'd named. A fuckin' vampire bite that flashed neon warnings to my enhanced sight, nope. Fuck. Me. Sideways.

She had a bite… And she was still human… She had been bitten by a vampire complete with venom and razor-sharp teeth... Yet, she is most definitely still edible in every way in her oh-so-human state sittin' on my couch.

"How?"

"For a guy who prides himself in knowin' shit, you sure are droppin' the ball, Cock-sucker."

To that I answered with a simple hand signal. It said all I wanted to say; better than a fuckin' Hallmark card.

"I want -" And she interrupts. Apparently, I was the only one freakin' out here.

"Uh-uh. You first. How is it that you know Jazz?"

A brief glance at Jazz and a shot of encouragement from his direction was all I needed to figure that the whole truth would be best here. I preferred it that way anyway, damn it. "He's my sire. He found me while he was out huntin' one night, liked my smartass mouth and my lack of fear when he flashed his fuckin' pearly whites, and the rest is history. I survived my newborn year and he convinced Senorita Cuntpire to let me stay on as his second-in-command."

"Oh! You're that Peter!"

"How many vampires named Peter do you think that fucker hangs with?" And though I saw her eyes narrowing, and I totally followed her trek across the room, when her smile turned feral and she dropped a knee directly onto my junk, it shocked the shit out of me. Would've hurt like hell too if I'd been human. Looks like somethin' worked in my favor here after all.

As she dropped to the floor, holding her knee and howling in pain, she still somehow managed to cuss me out. "You lyin' son of a bitch! I asked you if you had a fuckin' mate and you cheating mother-fucker said no! You said no, dickhead! Damn you Jager Bella! Fuck, this hurts!"

She attempted to bat my hands away as I lifted her curled, cursing form and placed her back in my lap where she belonged. "Well Darlin'. You should've known better. Kneein' vampires doesn't work any better than punchin' werewolves."

"You did what with a werewolf?" Fuck it all to hell, I need a drink. I had never been more envious of a human's ability to get completely shit-faced. Right now, I wanted to be so wasted that my own piss could be pooled in my boots and I'd still be dancin'. That's what I wanted right now.

"Oh, she did a lot more than punch him." Two more seconds and I was gonna knock that fuckin' smirk clear off of his face.

"Shapeshifter! And that's not the point here." Turning to glare at me, she continued, "_You_ have a mate!"

"No, I had a wife, Charlotte." Her expression immediately softened. "We've been divorced for almost twenty years now."

"Oh." She was still cradling her leg in her hands and I knew it was hurtin' her.

"Let me see." She moved her hands aside and I could see the blood pooling beneath the surface and the swellin' was already well underway. "May I?" As she nodded meekly, I wrapped my hands as gently as possible around her leg. She sighed deeply as the cool soothed some of her pain.

"Thank you." She said, still starin' at her lap. I couldn't have that, now could I?

"So how do you know these fuckers?" I asked again, tiltin' my head toward that cocky bastard and the uncharacteristically quiet pixie - in case there were any doubts as to who I meant.

"Oh, old school friends." She tried actin' all nonchalant but I _knew _better.

"Oh really?" And the phrase of the day is -

"Darlin' maybe this would be a good time to ask about Peter's gift." Always the Southern gentleman comin' to the aide of the damsel.

"You mean his tongue…" And she trailed off as my head (both of them) swelled and Ali's giggle trilled around the room.

* * *

**AN: Hey! If you want to read more, hit the button. It's simple.**

***evil chuckle***

**Having said that, this story was an accident that occurred to me in the wa****iting room of a hospital, when my ass was sore from those damn plastic chairs**** and my brain was CNN'd out****. So, the chaps will be shorter and come whenever I can get them to ya until I wrap up my other fic (The Quiet Room) BUT I really do write faster after reviews so….**

**Rec: Go read this fic and leave her some much deserved love - Goodnight, Sweet Girl by Spirare. It's a tear-jerker.**


	5. More Less Nude Answers

**Rated M**

**Thanks to my beta, Stitchcat. She makes my shit readable which we all appreciate, right? FYI: Any mistakes in here are by-products of my messing around before posting it; therefore, any mistakes belong to me.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not S. Meyer so, yeah, I don't own Twilight.**

**Last time:**

"Darlin' maybe this would be a good time to ask about Peter's gift." Always the Southern gentleman comin' to the aide of the damsel.

"You mean his tongue…" And she trailed off as my head (both of them) swelled and Ali's giggle trilled around the room.

**Chap 5: More Less-Nude Answers**

Two sentences, heavy on Southern drawl and light on the info, and ten minutes of dumbfounded silence brought us back to the Q and A portion of our day.

"So he just knows…" She trailed off awkwardly.

"Shit. Yeah. Pretty much, Darlin'." Jasper finished.

"Like lotto numbers or who the thirty-seventh Vice President of the United States was?"

"No. I'm not a psychic." And she turns to glare at Ali. "Or an Encyclopedia. I mean I know that second one was Nixon but only cause I was there and the political drama was way better than anything else on TV; it had nothing to do with my gift though. It's more like…fleeting thoughts. Strong urges and sometimes just feelings. Every now and then I might get a picture flashed, or just have information I didn't have a minute before. It's hard to explain. I just _know_ sometimes."

Her head was nodding but I think it was doin' that of its own accord, because her face was still all scrunched up in the cutest look of confusion; tryin' to figure out something that had baffled the shit out of us for ages. I had never really searched for a reason. I just accepted it; no need to dissect it to figure out the whys, wheres, and hows. No use wastin' time on unexplainable shit.

"So, back to my question, Doll; how exactly do you know these fuckers?"

"Well…." Apparently, Jager Bella had left the building. Only to be replaced by shifty-eyed not-want-to-fess-the-fuck-up Bella. I gently lifted her gaze from her lap once again and brought her eyes to mine.

"Fine then." She huffed, and pushed her wild, freshly-fucked locks out of her eyes. I was gettin' whiplash from her mood swings, so I couldn't imagine how the fucker across the way from me…speaking of which. He pissed her off on purpose.

My eyes narrowed but before my head could turn to glare, he answered, "This is the only way she'll talk. I'm bein' subtle here. Don't blow it, ya bastard." Jasper whispered at vamp speed with that Texas-sized smirk on his face.

"I met them in high school. I fell in love with _Alice's_ brother, Edward." Her nose scrunched up this time like she'd just caught a whiff of elephant shit when she said his name.

"And?" Damn it, if I wanted to yank something tonight, it'd be my painfully hard cock, not partial truths from her. Sighing, she finally gave in.

"One night, shortly after we'd declared our _love_ for one another in a field of wild flowers, like a scene straight out of a douche kit commercial, he took me to watch his family play baseball, and some nomads got curious about the noise. One was a tracker who got a little obsessed with my death after the Cullens refused to 'share' their snack. Jasper and his wife ran me south while the others tried to lead him and his mate, Victoria, astray. But my mom lives here, in Phoenix, and the tracker, James, tricked me into meeting him alone in exchange for my mother's life."

"You just let her go?" I asked the two fuckers across from me, more scared than I cared to admit by the thought of her not existing. Though I had no clue why; no- that's not true. I _knew _why but fuck my nasty with a crooked rod if I was ready to admit it.

"No, she escaped." The Major ground out. Ha! Fucker's not so cocky now.

"Let me get this straight; a little human _girl_ escaped the big, bad soldier of the south? How the mighty have fuckin' fallen. I think it's all that time you spend frolickin' with the furry little forest creatures." And suddenly, she was off my fuckin' lap again and even lil'Pete was pissed off at my inability to just shut the fuck up.

"I'm hungry." She proclaimed and I had a whole second with my thoughts as to what I'd like to be eatin' at the moment before she continued on sweetly, holding her hand out, "Jazz?"

"Of course, Darlin', but I don't ride bitch, ya know." And away they went before I could come up with any reason why they shouldn't. I finally got my ability to string two fuckin' words back together when I heard a small, pitiful sigh comin' from the pixie on the couch.

"What's up, Ali?" I asked. Might as well do somethin' useful while I wait for my inflated dick to calm the fuck down so I could stand without knockin' shit off of the coffee table in front of me.

"Nothing." She sighed out.

"Yeah. Look, I know I'm a guy and don't know anything about the woe's of womanhood and I've never walked a mile in your stilettos (except when I lost that bet to the Major down in San Marcus) , but I know enough to call bullshit on that one. Now spill it."

"If you must know, I just miss _my_ Bella."

"Damn woman! How many versions of Bella are there?" She just smirked at my exasperated and slightly panicked outburst. I knew no matter how many there were, I was in too deep to bail out now. Not that I wanted to. I'm just a guy that likes to be in the know. Mighty convenient with my fuckin' gift of random intuition, huh?

"No, I just meant that when we first met, and long before that, she was my best friend. I miss it, that's all. I miss her."

"What happened between y'all?" And, of course, her eyes took that far-away look and I knew she was shufflin' through the possibilities before making a decision on what to say. See, this is exactly why people might not always trust her. Plus, it was annoying as bein' trapped with a screamin' baby on a plane, but I could understand where she was comin' from. Her gift was an incredible asset but also a big fuckin' burden. Not one that I'd want, that's for damn sure.

"She feels betrayed and thinks I lied to her." Oh. This was a road I'd skipped down myself a few times with the shopaholic oracle. And when I say 'skipped', I mean the kind that involved a rock colliding with the surface of the dirt road time and time again; not the gay-ass Care Bears version, which would be just as unpleasant, but in a different sort-of way. Like I said, her gift was a burden but it didn't feel good when you thought she smushed you like a fuckin' bug beneath her Prada heels with a few lies by omission here and partial truths there. No-one likes to be manipulated, and made to feel like a marionette that she kept makin' dance with every tug of the strings. I just stared at her, waiting for her to cough it up. I could feel that this was gonna be good.

"I encouraged her and Edward's relationship." And a small growl slid from me, "Bella is his singer! She had no chance of surviving until today if I didn't! And I'd already interfered once to keep her alive. I just couldn't let her die. She's been my sister and more since my first blurry vision of her; I just couldn't leave it up to chance." She drifted off quietly.

"So?" I prompted when she paused a little too long for my liking.

"I played partial visions for Edward, you know his gift, he'd always wanted a mate. Heaven knows, I tried to steer him toward Tanya; everyone did, but he wanted someone 'pure'." And she snorted. I could see why, the fuckin' pussy-ass drama queen. He was one lucky son-of-a-bitch to have a succubus, the original succubus for tit's sake, offerin' to school him in the ways of pleasin' a fuckin' woman. Mind-reader or not, she'd teach him somethin' new. Guaranteed. "Any other way would've ended her life too prematurely. In fact, he saved her twice from death himself. Of course, our interference also drew other dangers. Dangers I hadn't foreseen."

"The nomads?" As it fell from my tongue I knew there was more.

"Yes. We had to kill the tracker, which in itself was no tragedy, but his mate escaped us."

"Please tell me y'all hunted her?" But once again, I knew they hadn't. Pacifist fuckin' pussies.

"No." My jaw clenched so tight in frustration I thought my teeth were gonna start shootin' out of my fuckin' mouth ,as she continued, "Jazz wanted to. It caused a huge fight because Carlisle chose to side with Edward over Jasper's years of experience and ignore the threat." She was quiet as she remembered what I'm sure was a very calm 'discussion' compared to what it ought to have been. I swear that animal blood has dumbed the whole lot of 'em down to 'special' qualifications. Not bad enough that it weakens their bodies, they've got to go around ignoring common fuckin' sense and basic instincts. I just couldn't believe this coven, family, whatever the fuck they want to call themselves, had survived this damn long. Reckless, irresponsible -

"Now you know how Jasper felt." I just shook my head, trying to clear some of the rage clouding my vision so I could find out the rest of what was sure to be a disastrous train wreck of epic fuckin' proportions. "Anywho, after we got Bella back, a little worse for the wear -" She flinched as the memory flashed in her mind.

"How bad was it?" I interrupted quietly. For once, I didn't want to know, but I needed to.

"A broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in her skull, bruises covering every inch of her skin, and she lost a ton of blood. We almost didn't make it in time. James tortured her and taped the whole thing, the sadistic bastard. He planned to send it to encourage us to hunt him. We would have too, without a doubt. Watching it as a family was the first time I had visions of Bella and Jazz developing a relationship. He'd stayed away from her because Edward thought her blood would be too tempting; he didn't want to risk it and Jazz believed it as well, but when he saw her bloody and broken on that ballet studio floor, he couldn't help but respect her as she refused time and time again to plead for Edward to avenge her.

"Actually, he started respecting her when all of that drama started because it wasn't herself she was concerned about. Her father and our family were all she worried about- even Rose, and they were not close to say the least. You know how Rose can be, but Bella loved her anyway because Rose was one of us and because it's Bella's way."

"The bite?" I figured while the cryptic one was offering up answers, I'd run through as many questions as I could. It's not often you could get straight answers about anything besides someone's over-priced fabulous spring line.

"James's handy work." I hissed as I thought about someone else's razor sharp teeth slicing into her. _Mine. _"Edward sucked the venom out before it worked its way through her system."

"Holy monk shit! I guess I underestimated his love -"

"No, you didn't. He didn't want her to go through the change; to become one of us. He never wavered on that, and that gave him the strength to stop. His determination, selfishness, and nothing more. Oh, he romanticized it, and so did she for that matter, but Jasper and I knew the truth and so did Edward. Though I_ think _Carlisle suspected as much when Edward wanted to leave 'for her protection' not long after that and again after her horrible birthday party." She sighed, "I just didn't see it happen till he lunged."

"What?" And she told me the tale of a broken hearted girl who had her heart stomped on over a paper cut and a childish boy; hundred years old or not, he would be frozen in his fuckin' Peter Pan state for the rest of eternity. Of cliff diving and werewolves and stupid-ass suicidal trips to Italy. Of reunions and fights for independence and battles against newborn armies. Of proposals and rejections and broken, insincere promises of forever.

My gift filled in the holes she left out and I was on the edge of my seat as I waited to hear how this epic modern-day Romeo and Juliet came screeching to a halt.

"They came to yet another impasse in their star-crossed relationship when he wanted to marry her and she wanted all of him without the marriage. He got jealous, and though after the battle with the Victoria she didn't have contact with Jacob, her shape-shifting mutt, any more, the more she rejected his proposals, the more he tried to control her. And the more he tried to control her, the more distance she tried to put between them. I think it's best if she tells you the rest. She'll already be pissy but I just freed up some time for you later. And just so you know, I still expect my something pretty. And in diamonds too." And just like that she was back to the pixie that I knew and loved.

"Hold it, Tink. One more thing. You said you'd already interfered once to keep her alive? What'd ya mean?" She offered a small smile, while searchin' for the answer I imagine would land her in the least amount of shit. Gotta say that was not earnin' her points in my book right now.

"Remember that hunt? The night you figured out that you and Charlotte weren't true mates?"

"Of course I remember; vampire here. What's your point?" I had a feelin' I knew where she was goin' with this and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

My mind went back examinin' every detail of that night and how it could possibly be relevant outside the obvious, ya know, end-of-my-marriage aspect of that night.

"The hunt? Yeah. I remember. You steered me away from the banger that I'd been casin' and toward that alley." And just like that, the lightbulb flickered on above my moronic fuckin' head and the memory played in my mind with crystal-clear clarity, as I drowned under the weight of this new fuckin' epiphany and all the different ways the last couple of decades could've played out if it wasn't for her fuckin' meddling.

* * *

I was sittin' on a bench watchin' the wanker close a deal with a kid, no older than sixteen, and just as I was fixing to close the thirty feet between me and this human scum that reeked of heroin and some of the more disgusting bodily functions in a human's arsenal quicker than a blink of his eyes, Alice's gasp invaded our silence, breakin' my concentration that was solely on my prey, and I growled. She fuckin' knew better than to interrupt a vampire in mid-hunt. True my urban style lacked some of the givin'-oneself-over-to-pure instinct shit, and she was damn lucky cause if it didn't she'd be bouncin' around sans head right now, but still - no fuckin' respect. Just because I didn't play fuckin' Tarzan like the rest of the freaks she called family didn't mean I didn't deserve the same fuckin' considerations while hunting. Aww, hell. Now I'm just whining.

I looked up to glare at the annoyin' midget perched on the branch overhead and quickly noticed her glazed eyes and shakin' head, but I felt like somethin' was off. I'd seen her have sudden visions before and this is what it looked like, sure enough, but still - something felt off. Ah, hell. I'm just being paranoid, on edge after everything else tonight I thought, as I tried to squash my aggravation enough to give a fuck about whatever it was that she was seein'.

"Alice?" I growled, not succeeding in completely overcomin' my pissy-ness. Damn it! I needed this fuckin' hunt to work some of this shit out of my system.

"There's a man, five blocks over. He's fixing to mug a woman, but she's going to resist. She'll die and he'll get away." She turned her big golden puppy-dog eyes on me, even addin' a fuckin' lip quiver.

"What do I look like to you? Fuckin' Batman?" Yeah, I know it sounds harsh, but I'm only one vampire and there is such a thing as natural selection. The strong survive; the weak don't. It's the circle of fuckin' life. Sure I hunt the 'bad guys' but that was just to make me feel a little bit better about the hand fate had dealt me; a way to be at peace with who I am. I didn't have a savior complex; besides I just couldn't pull off the tights and the gawky gold belt combo. Shit! I'm already spendin' entirely too much alone time with the fashion diva.

"Peter Whitlock! You get your ass off of that bench and go save that woman or I will, so help me God, I will." She dropped in front of me and no more was my happy-go-lucky sister; she was a woman on the fuckin' edge. And I didn't want to be the one to nudge her overboard. The Major would kick my ass. Not to mention the fact that she'd never taken a human life in her entire undead one. For her to be willing, this had to be worth it.

We sped quicker than any human eye could've caught and found the scene exactly like she knew we would. The skinny, brown-haired young woman was tryin' to reach into her purse for a weapon, no doubt, just as we came around the corner. I wasted no time. I grabbed the man by the back of the neck and disarmed him before either of them had even registered our presence. Lookin' behind me so that I could make sure Ali had taken care of the woman; I rolled my eyes as I realized I was once again alone. The pixie was dangerously close to gettin' on my last fuckin' nerve, but I squished the growl that was workin' its way up from my chest and looked over to find the human starin' at me. And I was trapped like a fuckin' deer in the force of her familiar yet completely foreign curious brown eyes.

"T-thank you." She stuttered quietly. I'm not sure if I would've heard her if I'd been human, but I wasn't - so I had. I nodded in her direction and tried to return my attention to the douche squirmin' in my grip, but the other human still hadn't left. Fantastic.

"How can I repay you? Would you like to get dinner? My treat. It's the least I can do! After all, you just saved my life!" I turned to look at her with - I'm sure - my confusion and blatant horror at her suggestion plain on my face. Wasn't it normal protocol in these sorts of situations for the dame to run off screaming in tears and shit…or something? I'm not an expert on normal human behavior but I don't think this is it.

I swallowed the venom that had now pooled in my mouth in anticipation of the blood bag I still held in my unyielding grip and politely responded, "No thank you, Ma'am." I may be a vampire but my Momma hadn't raised me to be rude to a lady, even one lackin' in full mental capacity like this human seemed to be.

"Well, if you change your mind…" And she gave me a gum wrapper after she jotted down her name and fuckin' number on it. That's it. This officially ends my caped crusader imitating and my listenin' to the pixie. I knew that second one would give as soon as my ire over this weird fuckin' night ebbed a bit, so, like - five or six years, but I was serious as the fuckin' Volturi about that first one. No more do-goodin' for this vampire.

I just continued to stare at her as she made her way out of the alley and around the corner, runnin' her hand along the wall to help support her wobbly legs. She was scared and I was a fuckin' dick. I hadn't even offered to walk her home. Shit. My Momma would beat my ass for this and then she'd hand me over to my Daddy for a fuckin' encore.

I made quick work of the fat-ass slob in my hands, dumped his ass behind a dumpster, and made my way at a fast human pace around the corner to find that the woman hadn't made it all that far. I didn't stop to think about the surge of relief I felt at this or just the absurdity of this entire situation I found myself in. I just glanced down at the wrapper in my hand, and jogged to catch up with her, hollerin' "Renee, wait up."

Her heart that was already poundin' skipped a beat, and I noticed how sweet her scent was with her adrenaline makin' it more potent, and I was thankful that the freak show of this night had kept me too confused to pay it any mind before now.

A small smile graced her face and she paused, waitin' for me to catch up. She exhaled in what sounded like relief as she once again started walkin'; this time with me as her escort. This shit just kept getting' better and better. I mean, I know that I'd saved her life, but I was a fuckin' _vampire._ I was, without a fuckin' doubt, the biggest fuckin' bad on the streets of Phoenix tonight and normal humans recognized this as an automatic given, even if they didn't understand why. They knew to give me the widest fuckin' berth possible, but not this human.

I walked her home as she chatted about every fuckin' thing under the sun, and though I didn't give a flyin' fuck about her pottery or her newest fascination with Gandhi, I had to admit that I was glad I hadn't killed her. Livin' as long as we do, very few things can catch us off guard but this human definitely did.

Stoppin' at her front door, she paused to say thank you once more after I declined her offer for tea and as she opened the door, I caught a glimpse of a little girl with her bottom lip pooched out, sittin' at the small wooden kitchen table and I don't know why but I stuck around long enough to hear the neighbor who was apparently keepin' an eye on the little human say that she didn't want to eat her brussels sprouts.

"Crapsels spouts." A little voice grumbled ,and as her mother laughed and sent her to bed so that she could gab to the other human about her near-death experience tonight, I smiled and made my way home. My MIA huntin' companion joinin' me somewhere along the way, but I couldn't say exactly when because I was consumed by my thoughts.

Sometime in the last couple of hours, I'd found peace with my decision about Char. Somehow, I just knew it was the right decision and for once, it had nothin' to do with my gift or even Alice's reassurance. I just felt it in my very being and I went home to face my wife.

* * *

"You knew then that she was my mate and that's why you went huntin' with me, to get me to save her… mother." There wasn't a question in my statement because I knew the answers. Alice knew, and Bella was my mate. No doubt about it. And that glimpse I'd caught of her had been enough for me to release Char and wait for her, without even knowin' I was.

"Yes." Alice answered quietly, probably due to the fact that she had no fuckin' clue what was gonna happen next. I knew she hadn't had a vision because I hadn't made up my mind yet.

To kill her or to hug her…hmmm.

I could always shave her head. I'm sure she could rock the cue-ball look for the rest of her forever.

And as she gasped with her hands flying up to cover her mouth in sheer horror from the vision that just flashed with my last idea, I've gotta say that it was infinitely more tempting.

I couldn't decide if I was pissed or not. She had fucked with my future, and though she had said on that night so many years ago that it was my choice, it wasn't; it never was. If she hadn't of meddled Bella's life would've taken a different path, one without her mother. And mine? I would've spent the last twenty years with my wife. Maybe not blissfully happy like true mated couples but, damn it, we were good together and there was always some fuckin' love there. It might have been enough.

Then my mind switched gears and I remembered the feel of Bella under me, wrapped around my cock. The feeling of just being complete that I'd only ever experienced in her, but it was more than the fuckin'. Don't get me wrong - it was hot and just fuckin' perfect but only because it was her. I just wanted her.

Nothing else seemed important anymore; not even how we'd arrived at this point. Oh, I was still gonna find out every fuckin' detail and exactly how many strings Ali had been pullin' in order to make it happen, cause I definitely wasn't happy with her puppet-master shit, and it was gonna stop as soon as fuckin' possible, like right this damn moment. But right now, even as a thousand different trains of thought kept collidin' and crossin' over and producin' even more fucked-up-offspring little trains of thought, I could only think of one thing to say to my sister.

"Thank you, Alice."

**AN: I didn't have time to reply to reviews like I normally try to do (I'm on vacation-ish), but I read every one and I SO appreciate them. Keep 'em comin' please****!**


	6. Summing It Up

**Yep. Still M rated.**

**Beta'd by the always fab stitchcat. Much love and glomps, bb; love and glomps.**

**Disclaimer: Nope. I still don't own the characters.**

**When we last left our vampire:**

Nothing else seemed important anymore; not even how we'd arrived at this point. Oh, I was still gonna find out every fuckin' detail and exactly how many strings Ali had been pullin' in order to make it happen, cause I definitely wasn't happy with her puppet-master shit, and it was gonna stop as soon as fuckin' possible, like right this damn moment. But right now, even as a thousand different trains of thought kept collidin' and crossin' over and producin' even more fucked-up-offspring little trains of thought, I could only think of one thing to say to my sister.

"Thank you, Alice."

**Chapter 6: Summing It Up**

Bella opened the door shortly before dawn, smellin' to high-heaven of that emo-fucker I called 'brother' - though that wasn't the name on the tip of my tongue right now. As soon as the scent hit me I was outta my chair and halfway to the door, ready to reclaim what was mine. The only thing that stopped me was Ali's hiss and her ominous promise.

"You have two paths laid out. One involves acting like a jealous ass, verbally pissing on her to mark your territory and spending the next few days exiled from your own room with only your hand to keep you company; OR you can sit down, behave yourself, and be rewarded for the effort. Your choice." And with that she pranced out of the door, I assumed to Jasper's waitin' arms, and I backed my ass up at vamp speed.

Her breath smelled of liquorice and cheap beer, with each step more wobbly than the next, but she seemed…happy, with a goofy-ass, dreamy smile on her beautiful face and I found myself returnin' it automatically as I watched her sway over to me.

She crawled into my lap, straddlin' me, and laid a kiss on me that left me sighin' in relief of the tension I didn't know I had built up. "Bella, I think we need to talk." Her only response was to duck her head, runnin' that hot little pink tongue of hers along my collar bone and up my neck, and then suckin' my ear lobe. "Fuck me, I love you."

Yup. That just about summed it up.

I knew we should be talkin' right now, and as God is my witness, I tried to gently push her away, but she was quite the force to be reckoned with at the moment. She was determined. Once her finger dipped in the waistband of my jeans and brushed the head of my strainin' cock, I knew she'd won this round. And as she kissed down my chest, I was mighty damn glad she had.

The second her lips closed around the head of my cock, all will to protest fled my body and I relaxed completely in my chair. This was the first action my chair had ever seen and I loved her all the more for poppin' its cherry. Later, I'd freak the fuck out about the fact that I just admitted lovin' this human that I had only known one fuckin' day and she hadn't even bothered to respond, but with her mouth workin' my cock like a pro I just couldn't find it in me to give a damn about either.

The muscles in my neck and back strained as I tried to resist the near-uncontrollable urge to thrust upward. With how on edge I was feelin', my cock'o'steel was liable to go clear through the back of her skull and that would definitely bring my current Bell-gasm to a screechin' fuckin' halt, not to mention it'd severely lessen the chances for head in the future.

Although, as I closed my eyes in a futile effort to maintain control and to revel in the sensations coursin' through me as she bobbed up and down and twirled her sinful tongue with all her might, the thought of blood runnin' down her turned the heat up a bit, I've gotta say.

"Bella, fuck! I'm gonna -" was all I grunted out before she hummed and the vibrations from her throat to my cock sent me over the edge and I was free-fallin'. She swallowed most, but what she missed glistened on her lips, and fuck me if the sight of her between my legs wearin' my come like shimmerin' lip gloss didn't have me at full-mast again.

All I wanted to do was bend her over the arm of this chair and fuck her senseless, but her eyes were already droopin', so I picked her up and carried her into our room and tucked her in. It'd completely slipped my mind that humans had that need to sleep every day; seemed like a damn waste of time to me.

Humans really are fragile things physically, but I was findin' they had the spirit of trailerpark cockroaches: nearly impossible fuckers to eradicate. And with that thought, I kissed her forehead and laid next to her through the day, content just to be where she was, to breathe the same air she had breathed and to simply exist because I knew she did.

She slept soundly and loudly, sawin' a fuckin' forest down by the sounds of it and mumblin' incoherently between strokes, until sunset. Just as Bella begun stirrin', I heard Ali and Jasper approachin' the house from the east.

See, I can hear this shit just fine when no one's on my cock or workin' my cock or anywhere near my cock.

"Up and at'm, Darlin'. Ali said we're goin' out." Jasper said, pokin' his head into my room without knockin'.

"Huh?" Bella said, squintin' in the direction of his voice. Groanin', she rolled over and buried her head beneath my pillow. I just chuckled. I knew who was gonna win this fight, and a herd of horny water buffalo durin' matin' season couldn't drag my ass in the middle of this one.

Feelin' my resolve and whatever the fuck Bella was sendin' out, the emo-ass crossed the room, jerked the covers off of her and picked her up, tossin' her over his shoulder and lightly tappin' her on the ass, earnin' a growl and less than pleasant vibes from me.

He rolled his eyes in my direction, before carryin' Bella into the bathroom with her squealin' and cursin' in protest. At least she remembered not to hit him. I heard the shower start and what I assumed was her fine little ass hit the floor of the shower. The resoundin' scream made me cover my ears, and make my way in to see her sittin' with her arms crossed and her lips pouched lookin' like a drowned (but still fuckable) rat in the middle of my tub.

"Now, ya need me to wash ya too, or are you gonna co-operate?" the fucker asked, wigglin' his eyebrows and smirkin'. Like hell he was getting' in there with her. Over my black and scattered ashes, and even then I'd pull a fuckin' Casper and haunt-kick his ass from the beyond. Like the bastard he is, he laughed lowly, turned around, and with a tip of a hat he wasn't wearin' left the room.

With one glimpse at the half-drowned, one-hundred-percent pissed-off woman, I followed after him, closin' the door behind me.


	7. Greeneyed

**I know y'all are tired of my groveling, but I do it so well. *hangs head and kisses the clean feet**** in the group***** I'm sorry it's been **_**so**_** long, but now that TQR is complete, this story will be updated about every other week as long as the real world, my beta's life, and the elf-unicorn hybrid in my closet that acts as my muse cooperate.**

**Disclaimer: Not that anyone cares, but I don't own Tw****ilight.**

**(Because it's been **_**such**_** a long time since I updated) When we last left our vampire:**

He rolled his eyes in my direction, before carryin' Bella into the bathroom with her squealin' and cursin' in protest. At least she remembered not to hit him. I heard the shower start and what I assumed was her fine little ass hit the floor of the shower. The resoundin' scream made me cover my ears, and make my way in to see her sittin' with her arms crossed and her lips pouched lookin' like a drowned (but still fuckable) rat in the middle of my tub.

"Now, ya need me to wash ya too, or are you gonna co-operate?" the fucker asked, wigglin' his eyebrows and smirkin'. Like hell he was getting' in there with her. Over my black and scattered ashes, and even then I'd pull a fuckin' Casper and haunt-kick his ass from the beyond. Like the bastard he is, he laughed lowly, turned around, and with a tip of a hat he wasn't wearin' left the room.

With one glimpse at the half-drowned, one-hundred-percent pissed-off woman, I followed after him, closin' the door behind me.

**Green-eyed**

"So, you love me, huh?" Bella huffed, sliding one silver hoop earring in while she looked at me in the new vanity mirror atop my dresser. She was still a mite pissy about being dumped in the shower. If I was a human, this would be the part where my heart would be poundin' and my face would be blushin' from being called out like this, but since I'm not, I just shrugged. Cool as my cock.

"That's just something men say when a hot woman's tongue is on them," I lied. Her eyes searched mine for just a second, before she continued gettin' ready. This wasn't the good kind-of lie though. You know, the ones where a chick asks a no-win question like 'Do these jeans make my ass look big' or 'Does my hairy clam smell too fishy', and you say – or you do if you possess a lick of the sense you were born with – "Hell, no!" and then you do whatever it takes to help them believe it. No, this was one of those bald-face fuckers that left ya feelin' a little less clean than you did a few seconds ago. It felt wrong to lie about this connection I felt to her.

But I didn't want to scare her off, did I? That's right. I was lying to her for her own damn good, damn it. While I tried _hard_ to convince myself of that, I made an effort to fix my fuck-up. "I mean, I hardly know you and you hardly know me and you know…_fuck_. I'm gonna just shut up now."

Bella rolled her eyes at my ramblin' and finished her primpin'. Her eyes were smoky, her stems were clad in tight-ass dark jeans and her rack was perky the way God always intended a woman's knockers to be. My crotch rocket was primed and ready for launch and I hadn't even touched her yet. I sighed. "This is gonna be a _long _night."

And the evil tease laughed. Then sauntered her hot little ass out into the living room where our escorts were waitin'. And by "waitin'", I mean bumpin' and grindin' themselves all over my fuckin' couch. I did not need to see that shit right now.

On the bright side, since I'd won the bet with that fucker in the bar a couple of nights ago – shit, it seemed like a lot longer than that – I wouldn't have to be Alice's pack mule any time soon. And that thought warmed my cold, dead heart just as the thought of being anywhere near the sprite in a mall while armed with a credit card scared me enough to take some of the giddy-up out of my stallion.

I helped Bella slide her arms into her jacket and walked out of the door, leavin' it swingin' in the breeze in case the other two wanted to get their asses off of my couch. Bella veered toward her bike but I hooked my arm around her waist and told her we'd take my ride this time, just as the garage door opened to reveal my baby. The only thing in the world that had ever rivaled my affections for my chair…besides the women, of course.

Sitting there, waitin' for me as always, was a '66 Ford Mustang. Every southern man needs a 289 cubic-inch V8 with 306 horsepower thunderin' under him as he rides into town. Her body was jet-black with matching leather interior. All in perfect condition. I'd been her only master and Shelby had treated me right.

"Huh. Nice car." I pulled us both to a stop and stared at Bella, aghast. "Nice car"? I…there…no words. There were no words.

A tinklin' laugh from right over my shoulder brought my attention to our audience that I'd developed a bad habit of forgettin' all about. Bella just had that affect on me.

"Bella, he loves this thing as much as you loved Red." I whipped my head around and growled, pullin' her closer to me. I didn't give a flyin' fuck who she'd loved before, but she was mine now. Bella's eyes widened.

"Relax, ya green-ass pansy." _Jasper._ "That's what she named her truck: Red."

"Oh." I ducked my head a bit and cleared my throat, tryin' to knock loose the rampant embarrassment and the knee-jerk jealousy that was abounding 'round here. "Her name is Shelby."

Bella nodded thoughtfully and ran her hand along Shelby's side before hopping in the back seat and slidin' over to give Alice room. I sighed. I didn't have a clue what I was doing here. I mean, with this woman…that was now in my car…no clue. As Jasper laid on the horn I shook my head, clearin' the thoughts plaguin' me and got behind the wheel of my girl – my _other_ girl.

I ran my hand reverently on her smooth dash, hopin' and prayin' that Bella wasn't gonna try to dismantle Shelby the way Char had. I shook my head as the still-frames flashed behind my lids. Shelby's parts scattered all over the yard… Her engine dismantled… Her hood flung on top of the roof of the house…Venom pooled in my eyes just thinkin' about the travesty of it all.

"I think his love of inanimate objects began somewhere in his humble upbringings," the prophetic pixie was stage-whispering to Bella, while both tried to stifle their giggles. I put my hand back on the wheel. If the ribbing I was gettin' got Bella to cease the frosty shit toward the small, fashionable fry, then I could take it. Jazz smirked at me from his spot stretched out in the passenger's seat. Fucker just oozed chill-the-fuck-out without even tryin'.

Once we pulled up to the same dive I'd met Bella in, I folded up my seat and reached in to offer Bella my hand. She took it and I pulled her out of Shelby, closed the door and then pinned her between me and my baby. Ali said they'd get us a table and Jasper followed his mini-mate into the bar.

"Um," Bella fidgeted. "Are we going in?" And I kissed her. Tongue against tongue. Fire and ice. Passion and promises.

"I- I- I-" I stuttered, and she laughed. There I was, tryin' to pour out my heart to this woman – I mean, I was all vulnerable and shit - chicks dig that, right? – and she laughed. So, I kissed her again. Kissed her good and breathless while I pressed her hot little body up against my car, bucking my hips just enough to remind her of who she was dealin' with.

"I didn't know vampires stuttered," she panted softly with a coy smile playin' on her swollen lips. "I thought it was cute."

"Cute?" I asked horrified. "Aw, hell no." My lips were on hers roughly, desperately tryin' to redeem themselves and restore my manliness. What was it about this small woman leavin' size seven prints all over my ego as she stomped it all to hell?

When I let her up for air the next time, she relented. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry! You are in no way cute! I give!" I nodded once, satisfied with my method of persuasion but now it was my turn to apologize. I didn't find it anywhere near as satisfying.

"I'm a possessive, jealous ass. I have been my whole life – both of them – and I don't see that changin'." Well, it wasn't exactly Hallmark quality…

"Did I ask you to change?" She asked, lookin' at me like I was a Rubik's cube smokin' crack.

"No. No, I guess you didn't."

"Anything else?"

"I'm sorry. That covers earlier as well as thoughts you sure as fuck don't need to know about and any future transgressions." She searched my face for something – I'm not sure what – and nodded slowly.

"I'm not worried about it. You have no reason to be the least bit jealous, and I'll never give you one. Intentionally, that is." I snapped my mouth shut and locked my jaw before I could say some stupid shit and ruin this nice Kumbaya moment we were havin' here. I took a breath, remindin' myself that I'd have plenty of time to get all of the answers I sought.

"What?" She asked partly confused and a good bit irritated.

"Don't 'what' me. What about that emo ass-pirate? I'd bet my left nut y'all have some down and dirty history." Ah hell, I couldn't separate the set. I'd bet 'em both.

She hesitated, havin' some kinda internal debate while simultaneously gratin' on my nerves. Why couldn't women just answer the damn question they're asked? What's there to think about? Did they need to reminisce about jizz flavor or whether they swallowed or not? I may or may not have growled a bit. She looked toward the wooden door of the bar about a hundred yards away. Probably wonderin' if she'd make it if she made a run for it.

"How much did _Alice_ tell you?"

"She just gave me the cliff notes version, up until you _left_…" I trailed off, hopin' she'd jump right in.

My arms were a cage around her, pinning her between my body and Shelby. I could see her searchin' for a way out, but I wasn't gonna let her off this time…not even if she got me off. She sighed and slowly slid down to the damp ground. Using my superior reasoning skills, I deduced that it had rained sometime in the last twenty-four. Guess I could add weather to the ever-growing list of things that I give neither fly nor fuck about and was, therefore, below my notice.

I crouched down next to her, not wantin' to walk around with the appearance of swamp ass for the rest of the night, and waited for her to 'fess up. She heaved a great fuckin' sigh again, and started spillin' it.

"Edward had become, well, difficult for lack of a better word. He was controlling. It got to the point that I couldn't pee without a chaperone and let me tell you, my bladder does not perform in front of an audience. He was paranoid to the brink of delusional, and he was three giant steps past possessive." She quirked a thin brow at me, but I just shrugged, exuding nonchalance out of my tight, sparkly ass.

"But _Alice,_" she hissed her name scrunching up her nose, "kept assuring me that I was still meant to be one of them. That my future was secure. She was my best friend. She's Alice! So I kept holding on. Waiting for that magical moment when one of us would give in and we could get to that happily-ever-after stage. It never came.

"He was leaving on a hunt one Friday morning and I got a little too carried away saying goodbye…or at least I tried to." She shook her head at the memory and I ran my a cool fingertip along her heated, rosy cheek. "I couldn't handle it any more. My self-worth was too wrapped up in him. I felt like I was back under the waves of First Beach. Only this time, Edward was the only holding me under, not the current. He was killing me slowly and I couldn't take it anymore.

"At the exact moment I decided to leave, there was a knock on the door. It was Jake." A few tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. I watched as she wiped them away briskly. "I had turned my back on him time and time again, just as Edward had me, but there he was. Of course, he'd had a little help getting there. In his hands he had a package. It was from Alice."

I had a feelin' I knew where this was going. I really couldn't blame Bella for her general air of pissed-off-edness toward Ali. She'd crossed the line a few too many times it seemed.

"There was cash, of course," she rolled her eyes, "And a note that said to take the cash and the dog and run while I still could. She said that we'd see each other again someday, and I was still her sister. Only, I wasn't so sure I wanted that anymore." Bella scowled, staring straight ahead.

"I took the money because I had no other choices, scribbled a note to Charlie, and left hand-in-hand with my best friend. Jake's shape-shifter gene blocks Alice's visions, so I wasn't sure how she knew we'd meet again, but you never bet against Alice, you know." I nodded, not that she saw it because she was still studyin' the yonder pavement.

"Jake and I became…close. I'd always loved him as a friend but it became more. He built me back up from the years of confidence-erosion Edward had caused. Jake…Jake made me_ feel._ I felt attractive in his eyes. I felt like I was _enough_ when I was with him, and that was more than enough for me.

"Until he imprinted." And her tears started flowin' once again. Only this time, she let them go. "We were just walking through a mall, holding hands like always, and BAM! Love at first sight has _nothing_ on imprinting. Resisting the pull is actually physically painful. It's impossible. I knew as soon as he tore his eyes away from hers the first time that we were done. I kissed his cheek and walked away. Jake was more than just my best friend and my first, he was my sun. Every step away from him was cooler than the one before and I-I didn't know what to do."

She was quiet for so long, I wondered if she was going to keep going. I wondered how Jasper fit into this. It was that curiosity that kept me from pullin' her in my arms and takin' her to get shit-faced. Yeah, I'm a selfish, nosy fucker.

"I didn't cry though," she declared suddenly, makin' me jump. I would've been embarrassed if anyone had seen it, but it was just me and Bella. And she was definitely not here. "I took the first highway I came across out of town and just kept driving. Jake had been the navigator on our perpetual road trip. I just couldn't think about anything to do with him. I lost him so suddenly…" She breathed so quietly I wondered if she'd meant to even say it out loud.

"It got dark somewhere along the way. I remember I'd just passed mile-marker one-thirteen when Red jerked and sputtered, dying as soon as I got onto the shoulder. Then, I cried. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I was lost and had nowhere to go. I'd just lost my second love and my second forever. I curled on my side, not even bothering to lock the doors, and just cried."

"And that's when Jazz found me. Alice had sent him, but I didn't care. He was just what I needed even though I didn't know it when he first opened the door. He stayed with me for six months. In that time we grew…close." She stood, dustin' off her hands like she was done.

Ah, _h__ell_ no.

"How close?" I asked, tryin' to keep the jealousy and accusation out of my voice as my green-eyed inner-bitch reared its nasty head again.

"_Very,_" she replied, lickin' her lips in a way that would bring a man skippin' happily to the dark side.

"But it's over?" I asked, drawin' to my full height. I'd hate to have to wipe the rain off of this lot with that fucker's face, but I would. She saddled up real close, standin' on her tip toes and pullin' my head down so that we were almost eye to eye. The only thing between us was a bit of air and my annoying-ass contact lenses. It was a good thing I wasn't a homely fucker, 'cause dried mud was an eye-color very few could pull off.

"Has been for a while."

I believed her. I don't know if it was just the effect her presence alone had on me or if it was something in those deep, brown eyes, but I believed her.

"Alright, babe. But what'd you do after he left?" She shuffled her feet and dropped her arms to her side.

"Well…I kind-of just hung out in bars. A _LOT_ of bars." She snorted.

"What's so wrong with that?" I asked. I felt like I was still missin' a big piece here.

"_Alice. _She told Jasper to tell me that I'd find my destiny while I was sitting on a stool." She buried her head in my chest. "She said that when he delivered the worst line I'd ever heard then he would be the one."

I was shocked and, at the same time, I wasn't. Alice had always known. I didn't agree with her manipulative methods, but I couldn't bitch about the results. I put my finger under Bella's chin and brought her eyes up to mine.

"Surely it wasn't _that_ bad," I teased before kissin' my woman senseless and escortin' her fine ass into the bar where we'd both met our futures.

"You know, I think I like your eyes better red."

"I'm going to go get cleaned up," she said motionin' to her tear streaked face and Rocky the raccoon eyes as we entered the bar only an hour after pulling up. "And then I'll pick up a couple of drinks for…_us_," she smirked, making her way to the bar through the heavy cloud of smoke and the crowd of sweaty bodies, and I went to find my brother and his mate. It wasn't too damn hard. Humans may not know why, but their instincts tell them to give us a wide fuckin' berth. I like to imagine it's somethin' akin to the aura of a bug zapper. You just know if ya get too close, you're gonna ride the blue lightening.

I sat down and stretched out in the booth. I felt plumb worn out. I was glad we were gonna be able to relax for a while because I was wound tighter than a virgin mouse's pussy. I had this feelin' though that I couldn't let go. It was dread. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and froze.

I knew that scent: vampire.

**A/N 2.0: Review people! **

**I squeed, fangirl flailed and almost wet my pants when I found out that this fic was rec'd on The Major's Army blog by the one and fuck-awesome Lifelesslyndsey. Seriously. I freaked the fuck out. But in a good way. *shifty eyes* Moving on! **

**Thanks to my beta Stitchcat and my pre-reader (whether she volunteers or not) HammerHips. None of this *waves hand a chapter* would happen in public without them. *points to them***

**That is all.**

**Oh! REVIEW! **


	8. And Second Place goes To

**Have y'all checked out my fuck-awesome beta's (stitchcat) fics? You really should! Many thanks to her and my pre-reader, HammerHips, for helping me polish this baby 'til it was decent ****enough to post. Mwah!**

**Chapter 8: And Second Place goes To**

I knew that scent: _vampire_.

And I knew the fucker it belonged to, too. If he was showin' his face in this group of humans then it meant nothin' good for us.

I looked toward the bar with my ass already half out of my seat and ready for a different kinda action than it'd been getting' the last few days. Alice's hand on my arm ripped a growl from me, inspirin' Captain Feel-good to dose me with his personal version of a date-rape drug.

"We sense him, fucker," Jasper whispered, shiftin' the aluminum napkin dispenser this way and that in an effort to get a halfway decent view of the bar without turnin' around and flashin' his pansy-ass piss-toned eyes. The fucker was right to be cautious, of course, but I sure as shit wasn't gonna say it. The more we moved, the more our scent would spread, but it wasn't like any vampire not wearin' a special helmet with unicorn stickers and a reflector belt wouldn't already know that we were here. This was less about stealth and more about my fuckin' mate being a crowd of clueless sheeples away from me when _he_ was within spittin' distance.

When I caught sight of Bella's ass in those wonderfully fuckable, completely replaceable jeans, I let out a huge gush of breath. I was so fuckin' relieved I could've wept. Wept like a big, needy baby while gropin' her ass…

"Hey! Yeah, I need a round of Jose for me and my friends in the corner," she pointed over her shoulder without looking at us. If she had bothered to spare us a fuckin' glance, she might've seen that we were as tight as a hot homophobe's virgin exit-only hole who had accidentally wandered into his first cock club. She might have _even_ realized the color over here had been raised to blood fuckin' red and she needed to mosey her ass this way pronto, lickety-split and double-time. But no. she kept right on ordering and munching on microbe-infested peanuts from the bowl on the bar as the barkeep nodded and poured. "Four Millers and…two Jaeger bombs," she tacked on with a deep, throaty chuckle.

_Ohhhh, Bella's deep__ throat..._

I actually welcomed the emo-bastard's steel toe to my fuckin' shin 'cause it brought me back to the problem at hand. He was lucky we were tryin' to go incog-motherfuckin'-nito. Judgin' by his quirked brow and that fuckin' smirk, he knew he'd got me riled up too. That'd be somethin' for us to discuss later though. Right now, we had more pressin' issues.

Apparently, Bella ran out of those disgusting elephant pellets because her head disappeared the next moment. Her ass was all that could be seen wigglin' in the air as she bent over the bar in the search, mumbling "Come here, little protein. Fattening fuckers,_ come_ to me. I'm gonna nom ya! Nom, nom, nom." I think it was safe to assume she'd already partaken of a shot or two.

Then _he_ came swaggerin' into view and all of my attention was zoomed in on _his_ ass – in a tee-totally different fuckin' way. I knew I recognized his scent, damn it.

_Garrett._

Garrett's long locks of naturally-highlighted blond hair was matted with little twigs and the occasional piece of hay stickin' out at odd angles. If you could only see the back of his head, he'd look like a filly who'd taken a rough tumble in her stall. His tattered, blue t-shirt hung off of his lean build at an odd angle, lookin' more like a muu-muu than anything else. I'd hazard a guess that he took that right off of someone's back judgin' by the titty impressions still creased in the cheap poly-blend. I didn't wanna even know what the bastard had been eatin' recently. Not if that shirt was any indication...

His holey, mud-caked jeans were frayed up to high-waters an inch above his dirty ankles and his feet were so black it looked, at first glance, like he was actually wearing shoes. He wasn't, of course. That woulda taken a power higher than my pay grade for damn sure 'cause Garrett was nomad through and through. He was restless, which is why he traveled from place to place like a fuckin' Mexican jumpin' bean. He was also a shifty fucker even without his "gift", which is why a male of his age with his Fabio-goes-to-the-boondocks look was still unmated.

Garrett stepped not an inch behind Bella, who was now slidin' off of the bar. He leaned in and sniffed – the motherfucker _sniffed _my woman - and I could picture the predatory smile that the fucker wore without even seein' it. I could hear my theme song beckonin' me forward to aid my hot-ass damsel in distress. It sounded eerily similar to Batman's, but less gay.

"I know you're there," Garrett whispered quickly in a sing-song tune, turnin' around with his shades pulled down to meet my muddy eyes. "You will want to stay on that _supple_ seat. That's right, my friend. _Love_ the seat," he said, shooting me a wink as my hips jerked. The seam of my pants and the crease of the leather beneath me hit my fuckin' sweet spot. You know, the one dear old dad never mentions in those awkward father-son talks about the birds and the walruses. And for the life of me, I can't imagine why he held out on me. It's not like that moment could sink much lower and at least then you could be grateful for the fuckin' knowledge gleaned. That'd be good parenting, right there.

I worked that seat like pro. Yeah, this wasn't my first rodeo.

_Oh yeeeeaaaaahhh_.

_Who's your daddy? That's right, Bessie. Say my name, say my na__me! _I thought – at least, I think I thought and not moaned like Chewbacca – as my hips bucked and the seat treated. Me. Right.

I saw Alice – as my eyes rolled back in my fuckin' head – mouth a word that was definitely "tits" in my direction. I wondered why the fuck she'd do that to me. Now all I could think of as I rubbed my sac against this seat like a penny against the winning ticket in the lucky pick, was a rack of the most magnificent funbags swingin' in front of my face as I tried to capture one – just one – in my mouth and tease the cum right out of Bella.

Wait, _Bella_?

_What the fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

My eyes shot open to see Alice mouth "resist". Well, why in the worn-out leather tucked beneath my balls didn't she just say that the first fuckin' time? _That_ was actually helpful. It took a second or two because I'd been under the influence for a while and Lil' Pete was castin' a fuckin' shadow that'd scare any groundhog back into his woman's hole for six _long_ weeks, but I came to a stop just short of, well, coming. I had to fight back the urge to rush up there and rip that fucker a new one as I felt Jasper's girly glee and saw Alice's eyes venom up from the heroic effort tryin' not to bust a fuckin' gut at the scene of furniture molestation she'd just been privy to.

My head ached from the residual effects of gettin' out from under Garrett's mojo, but I took my head in my hands and twisted. The crack was loud enough to draw a few more curious stares, but the pain eased. The longer your mind was in his filthy grip, the worse the hangover. And fuck me, I knew better than to look in his eyes. Apparently havin' a "real" mate created a stupid streak in me a reckless-mile wide.

We sat still as death himself and listened, waitin' for the moment to rescue my gazelle from the grips of the mangy lion in front of her.

Her feet finally found the dusty floor and he whispered in her ear, pressing her against the bar. "I wish I were but a tear. I would start in your eyes, live on your face and die on your lovely lips."

_Oh shit._ He must've heard our conversation about bad lines and destiny and all. We'd been more careless than I had realized. Either that or the fucker really did depend on his gift _entirely_ too much, cause I could've crafted a better line out of pigeon shit and some wordplay with Uranus. Bella stiffened and she turned around takin' a deep breath, ready to lay into the ass who had no respect for her personal space and had not only tap-danced in her bubble but popped the damn thing and stuck around to step in the remnants. That is, until she met his eyes. She was trapped in his ruby stare, if her open mouth, creepin' blush and skippin' heart was an indication. Once he uttered his next words, she'd do whatever the fuck he wanted. The power of persuasion.

I narrowed my eyes at Alice. If only she'd never told Bella that fuckin' crock in the first place, we wouldn't be in this situation. Her perpetual bagboy growled lowly, and I turned my glare on him. He wasn't let off by a long-fuckin'-shot, dippin' his stick into holes already spoken for. Horny, emo…and then that brought me back to Alice for sendin' her husband out awhorin' instead of just callin' triple-fuckin-A. I know that couldn't have been easy on her – all those months she spent alone – but it's not like this was much fuckin' better. She had some more splainin' to do, damn it, and she knew it, too. Alice mouthed either "later" or "lover" but I was gonna go with the first - for now. I didn't have time for my vamp ADD to take off on another porn trip. We were in deep enough shit here. Besides, I wasn't sure Bella swung that way…

Bella shook her head slightly and then laughed right in his pale, confident face. I had to admit, I loved every second of it. "Sorry, you're a few days late and there's no consolation prize this time," she laughed at her "inside" joke, but somethin' she saw in Garrett's expression gave her pause and she_ finally _searched for us. The smile slipped right off of her face as she noticed our posture and looked into my eyes.

Her heart kicked it up a notch and I could smell her sweet fear from across the bar. She knew what he was. And she recognized that Garrett was not the house broken kind-of vamp ya bring home to Momma. But much, much worse, he knew she knew what he was and that put all of our asses on the soon-to-be-extinct list. I tried to take everything she meant to me and cram it into one smolderin' look, but that'd be hard to pull off even without the shitty contacts and her death terrifyin' the ghosts of bodily fluids from my orifices long ago declared abandoned. I mouthed the words I'd said to her only once before and then taken back in a moment of sheer pussification, "I love you."

Bella smiled and nodded - just enough that I could see - and she straightened up, steeling herself for whatever was comin'. Turnin' back toward Garrett who seemed oblivious to anything after her rejection, she smiled sweetly and said, "Excuse me, I have friends waiting."

I could just make out the fucker's jaw flex when he took off his glasses, tossin' them to the floor, and grabbed Bella by her arms and brought her nose-to-nose with him.

"You _will _come home with me," he snarled and she froze. I wasn't sure why she'd been able to shake him off before, but I was positive she wouldn't be able to this time. For once, I was happy to be proven wrong. She blinked, after what seemed like an eternity, and she pulled back as far as she could, squirming.

They were beginnin' to draw attention and that was definitely not a good thing.

"I don't think so! Get your hands off of me!" I'd only seen four vamps fight against Garrett's power, and _never_ a human. I was shocked. It seemed like Bella wasn't exactly normal. Well, fuck. She was beautiful, intelligent and had consorted with vampires _and_ werewolves - for all I knew, she'd probably sucked off the only bad luck leprechaun along the way too - and _this_ is what it took for me to realize she wasn't your average twenty-three year old woman? I snorted at the thought, causin' Ali and Jasper to give me matchin' WTF looks. I just shook my head.

We had to figure out a way to get to her before he took off or snapped her in two or both. Nomads weren't exactly known for their people skills. A thought came from left-fuckin'-field. Well, a memory actually. Guadalajara…

Bella was distractin' Garrett enough that it might just work. It was a gamble but it wasn't like there was a plethora of other choices here in the outhouse of fate.

Tink's eyes went blank for just a blink, and then she nodded ecstatically. I watched Jasper as she whispered what I assumed was the winning fuckin' plan in his ear. He nodded once, though he shot me his concern, and I started at three while he concentrated. I ticked off one finger then another and on three, Ali and I braced ourselves as he sent out a shockwave of lethargy that woulda given the Sandman wet dreams for a year. As the humans swayed and collapsed, we raced across the bar. Garrett stumbled and his grip on Bella faltered. I caught her ass before it met the floor, but not before her head connected with the ledge of the bar.

"My hero," she sighed. "You shoulda been faster."

And then she passed the fuck out.

* * *

**A/N again: Push the button. Pretty please with Skittles and hot, horny vamps on top. *bats lashes causing huge storm somewhere across the globe***


	9. LoseLose

**A/N: Send beta love to stitchcat and prereading appreciative humps to HammerHips;-) **

**Disclaimer: Same as previous chaps because I'm too lazy to think up a new way to say I don't own this shit.**

**When we last left our vampires:**

I ticked off one finger then another and on three, Ali and I braced ourselves as he sent out a shockwave of lethargy that woulda given the Sandman wet dreams for a year. As the humans swayed and collapsed, we raced across the bar. Garrett stumbled and his grip on Bella faltered. I caught her ass before it met the floor, but not before her head connected with the ledge of the bar.

"My hero," she sighed. "You shoulda been faster."

And then she passed the fuck out.

**Chapter 9: Lose/Lose**

I was shocked. I mean_ fuck_, the whole sleepy enchilada had been my brilliant-ass plan, but it had been a clock's-runnin'-out, Hail Mary kinda joint at _best_ and…and I didn't wanna consider what it had been at worst. She was safe. Passed out, but safe. For now, that was all that mattered. I let out a huge gush of air I hadn't realized I'd been a holdin'. Breathing: it was one of those pesky habits that I'd brought with me from my human days – like masturbating, only lower on my list of priorities.

And what was it exactly that snapped my ass out of the shock and relief I was feelin' with her safely back in my manly, chiseled arms, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. It was the scent of her blood – sweeter than honey and callin' out to me like the fattest chunk of Godiva to a desperate woman on the rag. _Ummmm, ummm__, finger lickin' fuckin' good! _I was tempted to sample the goods right here, right now. I mean, one little taste wouldn't hurt no-one…And what she didn't know couldn't hurt me and my chance at gettin' some ass later on, right? Right.

My zipper groaned as Lil' Pete stood up to take a whiff, but a primal growl ripped from my chest when I finally noticed the other three predators eyeballin' my mate – except this time it wasn't "fuck me" or "let me dress you" written all over their faces. It was "I'm gonna eat your fine-fuckin'-ass" and I was not havin' that. I took a step back and every fucker in the rabid pack I was now facin' growled. This was gettin' ridiculously close to that Weight Watchers meetin' I'd hunted outside of last month, or one of those fuckin' nature channel shows gone wrong…

_Watch how the hungry and - in some cases, rather mangy - lions stalk their helpless victim. Hold up! Do you see that? Why, yes! One of the pack – the baddest-lookin' SOB this lens has ever zoomed in on – has taken a protec__tive stance in front of the sleeping gazelle. This is one for the Guinness, Bob. And get a wider shot of that pole protruding from his waist. IS that? Why it can't be! That's the largest fuckin' cock we've ever seen!_

My thought may have gotten a little off-track before I mustered up as much fuckin' feely-good, fluffy-wuffy shit I possibly could and sent it hurlin' Jasper's way. He was the real threat here. Alice would come around on her own, but if he got all impatient before she could lend a fuckin' squeal or her tinker-puss to the cause, then things would get real up in here in a vampire second.

The heavy door flung open, sending fresh air our way as they each turned to see who dared to interrupt their hunt. The looks on their faces must've been something fierce because the wobbly mother fucker rubbed his eyes once – I guess in an effort to make the bad go away - looked around at the herd just now stirrin' on what passed for a dance floor in this shit hole, and turned the fuck around to make himself scarce without a word. The distraction had allowed me to put a few sly steps between me and the pack, and seemed to have snapped Jasper and Ali back to the land of the thinkin'.

"About fuckin' time," I hissed. Alice narrowed her eyes, but her mate just shrugged and turned his attention back to Garrett. Again, it was about fuckin' time. I could've taken one of them, but I had no chance against three. I'd hate to be mute for the rest of my days cause my tongue was serving as personal floss to Garrett's nasty ass. None of us 'round these parts were exactly "stable" but he was in a whole 'nother league. We were dabblers in fuckery; he was king of one flew over.

As a chesty blonde, in a toddler-sized flannel shirt and teeny denim shorts up her ass so far I was ninety-nine percent sure she wouldn't shit right for a week, reached for the bottom of the barstool next to me, I growled.

"Damn it, Emosper. We need to make like my marriage and split, or you need to knock them the fuck out again." He leveled a look at me that I'm man enough to admit made my left ball shrivel a mite. That one was always a cowardly fucker… I had a feelin' my _brother _and I would need to "talk" later. But for now –

"You gonna walk, Garrett, or am I gonna carry you out?" Jasper asked, pleasantly enough. This whole fuckin' dive would be destroyed in the fallout from their collision if it went down like that, and so I prayed and crossed every fuckin' piggy I had that Garrett went peacefully enough. His obsidian eyes were still locked on Bella, who was thankfully unconscious in my arms.

"Oh, I would be glad to catch up with my old_ friends,_" Garrett chuckled to himself, and I hoped that the ass of his personal joke wasn't my demise or Bella's. That would suck more than a Denali at the Super Bowl. Alice lead the way out of the bar, which I was partially convinced was some sort of secret hell-mouth opening…but that was probably that Buffy marathon I'd watched last week comin' back to haunt me. Still, this place had to be emittin' some funky ju-ju to attract so many of our kind. I shook my head and came back to the now just in time to see and hear Garrett's shabby ass follow Pix who, along with the fortune-seein' gig, also had a talent for not grindin' the shells littering the floor beneath her size sixes, with Jasper right on his ass. Not even Garrett would make a move – violent or otherwise - with an angry, badass mate breathin' on his dirty neck.

Around the corner from the bar was what looked – and smelled – like a not-so-former outhouse, and we rounded it before we rounded on him. At least we were out of the direct line of sight from any overly-curious or even slightly observant humans. After all, I was carryin' a passed-out chick in my arms. And the fact that she was a hot piece of ass even with the trickle of drool would only add to a by-stander's suspicion. I did plan on takin' advantage of her as soon as fuckin' possible…

The dirty nomad cleared his throat, smirkin' smugly, and I brought my attention back to the situation starin' at me while wonderin' if this was the effect only she had on me or if I'd always been ADD and she was just my most recent shiny object. I'd have to think on that more later.

"A human? I am surprised, Peter," Garrett tsked lightly with a growin' smile on his feral fuckin' face.

"I've only known her for a few days," I said off-handedly. I don't have a fuckin' clue why that was supposed to help this prickly situation we suddenly found ourselves in.

"Then you get first taste. It is only fair," his smile widened and I tried to hold back my growl. Give me a giant, sparkly come enema and plug my ass up if I'm lyin', I tried _not _to growl at the fucker, but he deserved it. That obvious fact aside, he got the reaction he'd been hopin' for. "She knows an awful lot for such a fragile creature," he purred.

"So you did hear us in the parkin' lot, ya sneaky son-of-a-bitch. Get it through your head, Bella is not for you."

"She's just a human. They are _all_," the bastard licked his lips slowly and if I'd been human, this is the point I woulda thrown up a little in my mouth, "mine for the taking. She is no different."

"The hell she's not, fucker! She's _mine,_" Three things happened almost simultaneously. I cradled Bella tighter to my chest, Alice gasped and I heard a sickly crunch I was well familiar with. In fact, the venom pooled instinctively in my mouth because that sound was always followed by the warm nectar of my victim's life force flowing down my throat and quenchin' that gods forsaken burn.

"Dammit, Peter! Give her to me this instant!" Alice huffed. I noticed Jasper eyein' Garrett but I could feel the fatigue he was pushin' this way brushin' up against me. Now, at first, I was mighty damn offended that he thought he had to tranq my ass for his mate to come closer. Of course, then the other ninety-nine percent of my brain power kicked in and I realized that I was not the one he was sedating. I almost felt like an ass for jumpin' to conclusions, but I was too busy feelin' like an ass for breakin' my new mate. I mean, _fuck, _I'd had her for two days! This had to be some kinda record. Especially since I'd _had _her in many fuckin' ways in those two days, and this is how I damage her.

I looked at Alice sheepishly, checked her eyes and posture for the normal signs of that bloodlust craze and seeing none, I passed Bella into her tiny, grabby paws. I watched as she flitted away, reminding me of an ant carrying a load bigger than itself, then I shook that thought away. Bella had been in the food category far too much tonight. It made me feel…uneasy. That, coupled with my asshole-inspired guilt and massive, bruised and battered ego, did not make me a happy fuckin' camper. Which, once again, brought my attention back to the bastard who started this whole damn thing.

"What do you want?" I demanded. Even crazy fuckers had their price. He knew too damn much to just let him go without strikin' some kinda deal.

"The girl. You will give me the girl," he said lightly with a freaky twinkle in his dark eyes. For a split-second, it sounded like a damn good idea. I mean, she did seem to be an awful lot of fuckin' trouble. And why fight? She's so damn breakable… Eventually, she'd get old too. Her ass and tits would sag and we'd have nothing in common aside from reminiscing about how great her ass and tits had once been…and how much we miss them, of course.

"_Peter_," Jasper hissed. I shook my head slowly, trying to break free of the fog that had descended as soon as the bastard had opened his mouth. You see, if you knew when he was going to attempt to influence you, it was a helluva lot easier to resist. You can mount a much better defense when you know the offensive line's plans. Garrett had apparently figured out a way around Pussyward's mind-reading ability, according to Ali, but he hadn't been as lucky with Jasper yet. Tink could always see it beforehand, so she'd never felt the influence either. I was hit or miss, so every time he "visited", we played Russian Roulette with our gifts. He usually came out ahead, but I occasionally got a few memorable licks in. Apparently, this was not my night. I was too damn distracted.

I oughta let my brother fuck my ass up. I never woulda survived my newborn year in this condition, damn it. Garrett chuckled lowly, and I narrowed my eyes at him. I was not in the fuckin' mood. This shit had gone on long enough.

"I've named my price. I will give you until tomorrow to say your goodbyes." The arrogant bastard turned to face Jasper to leave and I gripped a handful of his humungo shirt and slammed his back against the shed. Shit splintered and the whole structure groaned, but like I gave a fuck. I secured my hold on his neck, but made the mistake of hesitatin'. It was a habit I'd developed after leavin' Maria. Ya know, thinkin' before killin'. I was seconds from rippin' his head from his shoulders, when he piped up again. "My mate is expecting my call."

Ah, a barely-veiled threat. I looked to Jasper for confirmation, and he nodded slowly. The bastard was tellin' the truth. I'll be damned. Fuck, we all will be, whichever way this goes down apparently.

The bond of a mated pair was nothin' to take lightly. Mates would go through hell to avenge their other half and neither reason nor logic ever entered into the equation at any point along the way. Just revenge, vendetta and usually death for all participants and their significant – and sometimes, not-so-significant others.

But my mate would not be sacrificed. Not for his sadistic pleasure; not for anything. This here's what you call a lose/lose situation.

_Fuck my mother-fuckin' life. _


End file.
